The Girl I Love
by D.B. Cooper
Summary: A walking dead story about Carl Grimes falling in love with Beth Greene. Enjoy! Carl/Beth
1. The Girl and The Deer

Author's Notes: Hi, I am a huge Walking Dead fan and have been since I started reading the comic books when they first came out. Of course, I love the television show and have seen all the episodes. I liked the Carl/Beth pairing and thought I would write a story about it. Also, I should probably say that I stole a lot of the dialogue from the episodes Save The Last One and Cherokee Rose.

The Girl I Love

By 

D.B. Cooper 

Chapter One

The Girl and The Deer

There was a deer and he was so beautiful. Then there was a girl and I thought she was an angel. Then there was the deer again. I went to touch him and the world exploded in pain. The deer and then the girl.

The next thing I knew my daddy was holding me in his arms and another man besides Shane was there. He was behind us, just a vague shape, and Shane yelling at him to keep up. I bounced up and down and I knew I was dying.

Then another man was yelling, but it only came to me in waves: "Was he bit? . . . Shot . . . Otis . . . Help . . . Get my kit . . . alcohol . . . here . . . alive . . . alive . . . pressure . . . wound . . . heartbeat faint . . . Rick . . . room."

Another voice, I think it was Shane saying, "We have to . . . save . . . stay . . . " The world was agony and I was the only thing in it.

I dreamed and in my dream I was in the woods and the deer was there again. The deer spoke to me with my Dad's voice and said, "Carl's going to be okay." I woke up in pain. Mom and Dad were there with another man I didn't know.

"Where are we?"

"That's Hershel. We're in his house. You had an accident," my Dad said. I could tell that he was scared for me.

"It hurts a lot," I said. My stomach was on fire and it radiated throughout my body.

"I know baby," my Mom said stroking my hair. I saw that she had been crying.

"You should have seen the deer. It was so pretty Mom and so close." I begin to drift again and the deer was there and there was only the deer. _THE DEER THE DEER THE DEER THE DEER THE DEER THE DEER! _My body convulsed and I froze and woke up and froze again. Everything was cold and hot by turns. The world went black and I knew that I was dying.

I was in the woods again, alone underneath a gray sky with black storm clouds racing overhead. There was a black line ahead of me, with nothing on the other side, not even clouds or sky, just black. I was headed towards it. I knew then that there was no heaven or hell. There was nothing after, just death on the other side of that line. Lightning crashed down in front of me and the deer was there again.

"Listen to me, you are not going to die." The deer had a rich deep voice, like James Earl Jones.

"This isn't real," I said. "Deers don't speak."

"Dead people don't get up and walk, but they can sometimes," he said as he came closer to me. "This is one of them. Listen to me; you are not going to die, but there are hard times ahead. Have you ever been in love Carl?"

"I love my Mom and Dad. I kissed Sophia. I'm friends with her, but she is missing. Will she be okay?"

"You will see Sophia again, but that isn't important. The one who you will be in love with will be there when you wake up. Always stand with her. Be strong for her. Take care of her. No matter what else happens, love her. Bad things are to come, but always remember this. Now turn around, walk the other way, wake up, and live."

I turned around and headed back the other way. The sky was less threatening that way and there was more light. When I woke up, I was staring at a white ceiling. I was hungry and running a fever.

A girl was there, and she was carrying a tray. She was so lovely and fair, like how an angel looks. There was light behind her and it shined not just around her, but from her as well. I looked at her wondering if it was the deer again, "Are you the deer?" The world faded in and out and I knew she wasn't the deer. She just looked at me confused and shook her head no. "Who are you?"

She smiled and said, "My name's Beth Greene."

"What happened? Where am I?"

"A man named Otis shot you. He was trying to shoot a deer, but he shot you instead, it was an accident."

"I know about the deer. He kept me company while I was gone. Where is the man who shot me? Where am I?"

"He's gone now. He died trying to help you. You're on my father's farm. His name is Hershel. He operated on you and he says you'll be fine."

"Is he a doctor?"

"No," she said with a small smile. " Just a veterinarian."

"Where's my Mom and my Dad?"

"They aren't here right now, but I'll get them. Here, I have soup for you. Fresh chicken stew. Eat it, it's good," she said while holding a spoon to my mouth. I slurped it down and I thought she was the nicest girl I ever met. Then the world went away again.

When I woke up, Hershel was there. "Your fever has gone down. Let me get your folks."

My parents came in and I talked to them for a while. They were so glad that I was okay. "Baby . . . Carl," my Mom said as she stroked my cheek.

"Sophia, is she okay?"

"Fine, she's fine son. Rest we'll be right here okay."

"Okay," but I didn't think that Sophia was okay. Something in my Dad's voice as he said it. But I remembered what the deer said, that I would see her again.

Then T-Dog walked into the room and said, "There here." Mom and Dad went out of the room but T-Dog stayed for a minute and asked me how I was.

"I'm okay, really."

Later, Beth came into the room and feed me again. After she was gone, I lay there thinking about what the deer had told me, about the one I love. '_No_,' I thought to myself, '_That was just a dream_.'

Later on Shane came to see me. He told me about Otis and how he had died trying to save me. To make up for what he did to me. He almost killed me, but still I couldn't hate him for it. It was an accident. I never met Otis. He died without me meeting him. It was then I knew that I was going to live, because Otis had sacrificed his life for me.


	2. Hershel's Farm

Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead, I just love it.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Two

Hershel's Farm

I liked Beth from the start. Just from her feeding me a few times, I could tell she was a really nice girl. While I was still in bed, I thought about the deer and what he had told me. Dale was smart so I decided to ask him about it later.

After I was up and able to get around again, Beth didn't pay much attention to me. Of course, I was just a kid and she already had a boyfriend, Jimmy. He was nice to me and seemed like a decent guy. I could tell that Beth liked him alot. I saw her around the farm and she was polite to me, but nothing other than that.

Hershel's farm was fun. I had never really been on a farm before. There were horses, cows, and chickens to see. Feeding the chickens was a real treat. The fields and the swamps were cool too. I enjoyed exploring them. But mostly, I missed Sophia. She was my friend and I was worried about her. I liked her quite a bit. She was out there alone and in this unholy mess.

I asked Dad about her. Sophia was lost and we had to find her. Dad said that they were doing the best that they could. I really believed that, especially when Darryl got injured trying to find her. I told Dad that I knew that he was lying when he said Sophia was okay. It wasn't a bad lie, but one to make me feel better.

I went to Dale when he was standing watch and climbed up on top of his RV. "What do you know about death?" I asked him shyly.

Dale looked at me for a moment and smiled. "Are you asking me because you almost died or because of those things out there?"

So I told him all of it. About the woods and the line in front of me with nothing on the other side. Then I told him about the deer and what he had told me about Beth.

"From the sound of it, you may have had a near death experience. It can happen when you are about to die," he said stroking his beard. "One school of thought is that your brain hallucinates when you are dying . Its simply your final thoughts. The other theory, according to some people is that there is something after."

"What do you believe?"

"I'm a philosopher about these things son. I think that living a good life is important. If you want to know what I believe . . . I had a wife before this, Irma. I loved her and I hope to see her again after I die. If you want to know what I think about you and the deer. I think it was the last thing you saw before you got shot. It's only natural to dream of something you see or think about before you go to sleep. As far as the deer telling you that you'll fall in love with the first girl you see when you wake up . . . She is already with someone and you're too young for her. I wouldn't put much faith in it."

Before I went, Dale called me back, "One more thing. Be careful about Shane. I don't trust him."

"What do you mean?" I asked, confused. "Shane is my friend and he's friends with my Dad and my Mom. He helped us. We wouldn't have survived without him. I've known him for as long as I can remember."

"I mean I think he has done some bad things and I don't like it. Watch him."

So I didn't believe it about the deer, I told myself it was a hallucination. Still, I wanted to spend time with her and I did when I could. I was playing checkers with Beth when Shane started shouting about the walkers in the barn. When we found Sophia in the barn, I was so sad. She looked so like herself after she got bitten that I wondered if there was still something in her that was still her. Later, I realized that there was nothing left of her in there. Dead is dead and being bitten and walking around after means you're dead.

I saw how upset Beth was by the death of the one walker. She walked over to it thinking it was dead, but it got up and tried to bite her. It was a close thing, it almost got her before Dad and Shane pulled her away. Then T-Dog killed it.

Afterward, Beth found me sitting in the house crying for Sophia. That was the first time that she and I really talked. She sat down next to me and said, "I'm sorry about your friend Carl. I lost my Mother Annette and my brother Shawn as well. They both got bit and Otis helped Hershel put them in the barn." Beth got up and took a picture off of the refrigerator and showed it to me. "That's Shawn on the left and Annette on the right. The picture was taken about a year ago. It's hard to deal with and it hurts to lose them. I'm sad because of it and I'm sorry for your friend."

"I was friends with her. She was the first girl I ever kissed. I didn't like her Dad and I know she and Carol didn't either. I'm not sure why though, but I think he was a bad man. Shane beat him up right before he died."

"Some people are just like that. When I was a kid, younger than you are know, our dog Charlie got bitten by a skunk and became rabid. Dad shot him. He was a good dog but he went mad and started to bite. I think that happens to people too. Not just like those things out there but in their mind. Like Ted Bundy or John Wayne Gacy."

"I'm sorry about your brother and your Mom," I said while I wiped away a tear. Then she excused herself and said she had to go wash dishes. I went out of the house and heard a crash coming from inside. I didn't know what happened. Mom told me later that she collapsed and later tried to commit suicide.

"What's suicide, Mom?"

"It's when someone tries to take their own life."

I was scared and upset. "Why would somebody want to do that?"

"Some people get that way when life gets too hard for them. Beth lost both her Mother and her brother. Do you remember how sad you were when we thought that we had lost your Dad?"

I nodded, "Shane said he was dead, but he wasn't."

"I know, he lied and I still don't like him for it. Be careful around Shane Carl. I don't think he has our best interests at heart."

"What do you mean? He helped us before."

"It's hard to explain, but in case you haven't noticed, he wasn't happy when your father came back."

I resolved to keep an eye on Shane, in case he tried to hurt my Dad. Dale had said something about it to me as well. I stole a gun from Daryl at one point and tried to kill a walker, but I couldn't do it. Because I failed, Dale died and I felt bad about it. But I remembered what Dale said to me about Shane. So I followed my Dad and Shane when they went to get Randall and in the end I was the one to kill Shane.


	3. On The Road

Author's Notes: I used The Walking Dead wiki as an information source.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Three

On The Road

After Jimmy was killed, I could tell how sad Beth was. She broke down and cried when she saw he wasn't with us. I waited a few days until I told her how he had died. We were sleeping in the cars, because we had left the tents at the farm. I waited until she was going to bed, and I got in the car and laid down next to her. She was tired and about to go to sleep.

"Jimmy died saving my life, and my Dad's. He drove Dale's RV right to us so we could get away. A walker bit him and he shot himself."

I knew that I was lying, but I wanted to make her feel better. I realized that this was the same type of lie that Dad had told me when he said that Sophia was okay. It wasn't a bad lie, just something to make her feel better. Besides, I didn't want her to get upset like she was before, to become suicidal. I wanted her to be happy.

She looked at me and started to cry and I started to cry back. "He was my boyfriend Carl. I don't know if I loved him, but I was with him."

"I'm really sorry, I didn't want him to die. I would have saved him if I could have. He was my friend too."

After a time, Beth stopped crying. "Thank you Carl. You're my friend. I'll see Jimmy again when we're in heaven." Then she hugged me and went to sleep. I think she slept better because of it. Although, I didn't really know what to think of her talking about heaven. By this point I was pretty sure that there was no God, but I remembered how Carol had gotten mad at me for saying there wasn't, so I kept my mouth shut.

The road was hard. We had used up a lot of our ammunition getting away from the farm, and we hadn't taken any food with us. Scavenging for supplies became our number one priority. It was like dad had said, 'No more kid stuff.' He had already given me one gun, a Browning BDA. Now he gave me my second gun, and it became my primary weapon. It was a Beretta 92FS with a suppressor. It had clips with fifteen rounds, while the Browning only held fourteen. Dad showed me how to use both of them. I could clean them, take them apart, and put them back together. I had several extra clips and I could pull out the old one and slap a new one in with ease. In this time, both guns became a part of me. An extension of my arm, of my body, my heart, my mind, and my will.

I used the Beretta more, because of the silencer. It didn't attract the walkers. They got riled up whenever they heard a bullet or a loud noise. Dad said to only use the Browning in case of an emergency. It was better to be silent. This I learned from Daryl more than anyone else. He could track and move through the woods without making noise. I liked Daryl, and looked up to him. He knew more about knives than dad did. He could throw one at a walker and hit it from fifty feet away. I learned how to do it too, but I was never as good as he was. I told myself that my knives were in case I ever ran out of bullets. He let me use his crossbow a few times as well, but I couldn't hit anything with it. Daryl became my hero in a way. I still had my Dad, but Daryl was cool.

When I first killed a walker on the road, I thought of Dale. It was my fault that he died. I had failed the first time, but I made sure I didn't the next. It wasn't murder. It was just a part of life now.

Beth and I came closer during this time. I always made sure she had enough to eat. Whatever food I found, I brought to her first. I always smiled at her, and she would smile back. It wasn't so much that I liked her, but that I was in love with her. She wasn't just a nice person, she was the best. She was always there to talk to me.

T-Dog, Carol, Daryl, Glenn, Maggie, and Hershel were nice to me, but I loved Beth. I thought a lot about what the deer had said. About her being the one I loved. I suppose that in this world and in this time and place, there really wasn't anyone else for me.

I knew Glenn and Maggie were together, but Mom and Dad were on the outs because of Shane. He had betrayed us, and I wasn't sorry to see him gone. I turned away from Mom at this point, and didn't really have much to do with her. I was rude to her, and rejected her. I could tell it hurt her, but I really didn't care. Even if I had, I didn't know how to make it right.

I spent as much time with Beth as I could. I enjoyed the time we spent together. She already knew how to shoot, but I quickly became better at it then she was. The best conversation I had with Beth was the first time I brought her food. We were staying in a house and I found cans of soup. I gave her the chicken stew, because that was what she had feed me. She cooked it and we ate it together.

Beth smiled at me and said, "Thank you Carl."

I smiled back at her, "It's okay, I just wanted to make sure you had enough to eat."

"What about your Mom?"

"She betrayed Dad with Shane. I thought Shane was okay at first, but after I got shot he wasn't. I was there when he tried to kill my Dad."

"You should be nicer to your Mom Carl. She's the only one you have and I already told you how much I miss mine. Do you think Shane killed Otis?"

I looked at her surprised. "I'm not sure, what makes you say that?"

"He came back with Otis's gun. How could he have gotten it, if they had been jumped by walkers?"

"I hadn't thought about it before. I never really met Otis. He died while I was unconscious. Dale and Mom said something to me about Shane, that he was bad. I didn't know what they meant at first, but I think I know now. It's like what you said before, some people just go bad. Like the walkers, maybe. Have I told you about Dr. Jenner?"

Shaking her head Beth replied, "No, who was he?"

I swallowed my food and said, "We thought he was okay at first. Before I was shot, we went to the CDC in Atlanta. This guy was there by himself, still trying to work on the plague. When the facility was running out of power, it was set to destruct. He tried to keep us there, and not let us leave. One of us stayed and died with him."

"Was he crazy?"

"I don't know. I think he almost had to be. He wasn't before, but then he lost his wife. He was still trying to work on the plague, what's causing people to become walkers. I don't know how successful he was."

"Things like that can happen. Now more than ever. What did you think of Randall?"

"He was against the group. We have to be careful who we are around. Like you said before, there are bad people in the world." Then I hesitated unsure of what to say next, "I wanted to watch my Dad kill Randall."

Beth looked at me strangely, "Why would you want to see that?"

"He was bad and bad people deserve to die. It was him or us and I'd choice you over Randall any day."

"I don't know what to say Carl, I think you're heart is in the right place. We live in bad times now. I'm just happy that there are people here that can protect me. You'll protect me, won't you?"

I smiled and said, "I'll always protect you Beth, no matter what."

That night, Beth and I slept in the same room, lying next to each other. I wanted very much to be with her, but I wanted her to love me as well. She was just, nice. Not just physically good-looking, but intelligent, and as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

Sometimes when the day was done, she would sing. Her voice was true and sweet. The songs she sang were so beautiful. From what I knew, most of them were old songs. I loved to listen to her sing.

I swore I would be there for Beth as much as I could. I knew know that what the deer said was true, I was in love with her. I loved her more than Mom or Dad or anyone else.


	4. How I Saved Beth Greene

Disclaimer: The Walking Dead isn't mine.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Four

How I Saved Beth Greene

It was night, two or three in the morning. We were in the woods and I was on guard duty with T-Dog. I knew T-Dog's real name was Theodore Douglas, but I never called him that. We were standing there trading stories about the closest times we'd almost been bitten. So as not to attract walkers, we just talked in whispers.

"A walker crawled out from underneath a car while I was siphoning gas out of it. I was almost done when it grabbed my ankle. It startled me so much that I fell backward and pissed myself. I had to change my pants so no one would see."

I looked at him and laughed, "Really? Why did you . . . you know, do that?"

T-Dog grinned. "It can happen when you're scared or in a bad situation. A lot of soldiers have done it in battle."

I was still laughing when I saw movement, "Walker!" I realized that I had attracted it by laughing.

T-Dog took his bat and smacked it in the head. There was something behind him. "Oh no! There's more!" I yelled.

One minute we had been fine, the next a horde of walkers were in camp. There must have been at least twenty of them. Adrenaline pumped through me. Without a thought, I leaped on top of the green Hyundai in a single bound. Then I aimed my Beretta at the first walker, and pulled the trigger. Nothing happened! I pulled it again and still nothing. _'Why isn't my gun firing? Is it jammed?' _Panic flew through me. The closest walker was less than three feet from the car and coming right toward me. My hand started to reach for my Browning before I realized that I hadn't turned the safety off. I clicked it and started firing. I killed the walker that was closest to me first. Five more walkers went down in quick succession.

I heard screaming. I turned, Beth was down and a walker was on top of her! She was trying to fight but its mouth was inches from her face. I aimed carefully so as not to hit Beth. My first shot went high, but the second shot hit it in the head. The walker fell down on top of her and she was still screaming. I turned back and swept the area again with my gun. Daryl had already killed three more with his crossbow and T-Dog was beating one with his baseball bat. My Dad, Glenn, Maggie, Mom, and Hershel were there too. I shot one more walker that was advancing on T-Dog and looked around to make sure the coast was clear. Not seeing anymore walkers, I jumped down and ran to Beth to make sure she was all right.

"Were you bitten, were you scratched?" I asked, panic in my voice.

She had already pushed the walker off of her and I helped her to her feet. "No I'm fine." Beth looked at me like I was a hero. She hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I got an erection when she did. "Thank you Carl, you saved my life. I don't know how to thank you."

I could have thought of a few ways, but I knew not to say them. Instead I just nodded, "It was nothing. You would have done the same for me. Don't worry about it."

"You're my hero Carl. I'll never forget this."

Hershel was there too, "What happened to your gun?"

"I . . . I must have left it in the tent. I heard T-Dog yelling and I just got up and came outside. Then it jumped me from behind. Oh dad, I was so scared." Beth said and hugged her father, a tear running down her face.

"I guess I was pretty dumb, huh?"

"Yeah, you were," I said as Beth rolled her eyes. A sign that I knew that meant she was exasperated. "I didn't say it to be mean, just remember your gun the next time."

Beth nodded, "I will. It was a stupid thing to do Carl. It won't happen again."

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay." I would have liked to kiss her again, but I was too shy. Instead I hugged her again. Now more than ever, I realized that I loved her.


	5. The Pact

Author's Notes: This chapter comes from the episode Killer Within. In it Carol reminds T-Dog about the pact when they're on the run from walkers. I used the Walking Dead Wiki to figure out who had which gun.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Five

The Pact

We discussed things amongst ourselves. Mostly we talked about supplies. We were always scavenging for food, gas, and bullets. Especially food, a lot of grocery stores had been looted right at the beginning. Daryl could always get some by hunting, but it wasn't enough to feed everyone.

That day dad, Daryl, and T-Dog had found a gun shop. To be more specific, we looked in a phone book and found one that way. Daryl stood guard outside while T-Dog, dad, and I went in. T-Dog beat a walker to death while I looked under the counter for lurkers. All the guns were gone, so I went in the back and started looking. I found it a locked cabinet and opened it with my Beretta. There was a lot of ammunition in it, plus two extra clips for my Browning.

One of the things we talked about was the idea that if we died, we would come back as walkers. I was both shocked and intrigued by the idea. I knew some of it because Shane had both become a walker after he died. I waited until Dad wasn't busy and went to him and talked to him about it. Dad explained it to me as best he could.

"When you die you come become a walker."

I was scared and worried, "I don't understand dad what do you mean? How can we become walkers?"

Dad sat down on a log and motioned for me to sit with him. "We're infected somehow. All of us."

"How can that be? We aren't one of those things?" I asked, confused.

"I'm not sure Carl, I just know that we are. Dr Jenner told me."

"Didn't you think to tell the rest of us? Suppose somebody had died and turned. It could have been bad," I said trying not to get upset.

My dad sighed and said, "I don't know why I didn't. I think I wanted to protect people from what was happening. I'm not sure I really believed it until I saw Shane get back up after I shot him."

I paused for a minute to think, "So what are we going to do about it?"

"We're going to make sure that none of us came back. If one of us is going to die we have to kill them. Same as we do to the walkers."

"I remember dad, no more kid stuff." I said, "But I don't know if I could do that for you."

Dad ran his hand through his hair; a motion that I knew meant he was trying to think. "You may not have a choice Carl. It could be a matter of you and mom dying if you can't do it. I don't want that to happen to you. You have to be able to."

I looked back at my father. I wanted to tell him about the deer, but I couldn't. I didn't want him to think I was still a kid. "If it comes down to it, I'll do it for you and for mom or anybody else."

As for killing my mom, shooting her in the head? Making sure she that wouldn't come back as a walker? Yes I could. I was still angry with her, but she was still my mom. Could I do if for Glenn or Maggie or Hershel or any of the others? I decided I could. A better question was could I do it for Beth?

We were standing around the fire as a group talking about it. That's how we made the pact. If one of us got bit or was going to die another way, we'd kill them. None of us would come back as one of those things.

"What do we swear on? I mean when you testify in court, you take an oath on a Bible," Hershel said. "Unfortunately, we don't have a Bible. I left mine at my farm."

Daryl spoke up, "How 'bout our weapons? We could take a vow on them."

T-Dog thought it over for a minute, "Yeah, that's a good idea."

So we all swore on our weapons. Daryl on his crossbow, mom on her Colt, dad on his Python, T-Dog on his Smith & Wesson the one that Andrea used to have before she died, Hershel on his SIG, Beth on her Vektor, Maggie on her Walther, Carol on her Smith & Wesson, and Glenn on his Glock. I went last. I put my left hand on my Beretta and my right in the air, "If one of us gets bit or dies. I'll shoot them in the head. They won't come back as a walker. I promise not just on my gun, but on my life as well. I'll do it for anyone. For Hershel, for mom, for dad, for anyone." Then I went to Beth and we talked for a while.

I began by saying, "If you die, you come back as walker you know."

Beth looked at me and said, "I know that Carl, and it scares me. I don't want to come back as one of those things. I almost did you know. The first time after watching T-Dog kill my mom again and the second was when you saved me. I owe you my life Carl. I won't soon forget it."

"I know you won't. I don't want to come back either. If it comes down to it, I'll take care of you. Just as I would for my dad or my mom or anyone else."

"It's scary to think about, but I'll do the same for you. If that happens I'll see you on the other side."

I still didn't believe in heaven, but I just nodded. "I'll see you there to."

"Can I tell you something Carl, it's about your mom. I know that you're mad at her, but it wasn't her fault. I was mad at her too for a while."

Honestly confused, I asked, "Why would you be mad at my mom?" I had my reasons for being mad at her, but they couldn't have been the same as hers.

"I blamed her for Patricia's death. She had to haul me away when she got bit. Later, I realized that Patricia was already dead once she was bitten. You can't hold grudges Carl. It doesn't do to hate. The Bible says so. You have to forgive your mom."

I hesitated and thought for a minute before replying, "I don't know if I can do that. She did something against the group and against dad. I don't trust her anymore."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I know that your mom and Shane had a thing. However, she thought your dad was dead. You have to realize that. Can you try to forgive her? Please, for me?"

I wanted to look at her and tell her that I loved her. Instead what came out was, "For you, I'll try. But I'm not sure if I'll be able to."

Beth nodded, satisfied. "Okay, at least try Carl."

I realized that I was lying. I knew that I couldn't forgive mom for what she had done. For Beth, I would pretend I had. For Beth, I would do anything. I would kill her if it had to be that way. For the girl I loved, I would do anything.


	6. Our New Home

Disclaimer: I don't own The Walking Dead. Some of the dialogue comes from the episode Seed.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Six

Our New Home

We had been going for months, moving from house to house. Sometimes, we slept in our cars with one of us standing watch. I knew that it was dangerous. What if a herd came? We could very easily been overrun. A safe place, behind walls and locked in, that's what we needed. At one point, we spent three days in a barn.

While we were there, I laid down next to Beth in the hay and said, "Can I tell you something?"

She smiled and said, "Sure Carl, I'm your friend. You can tell me anything." Her breath smoked as she talked, it was the middle of winter and oh so cold.

I licked my lips and said, "It's my fault that Dale died."

Beth looked at me strangely and said, "How could that possibly be your fault Carl?"

Taking a deep breath I began, "I took Daryl's gun from the saddlebag on the motorcycle, my Browning. I knew that it was a wrong thing to do, but I did it anyway." Then everything came out in a rush. "I wanted to kill a walker. I found one in the swamps and tried to kill it. I couldn't do it. It got free and came at me. I fell down and almost got bit." I lowered my head trying to fight back tears. "The same walker killed Dale. Because I didn't do the right thing, he died. He was my friend and I let that happen to him!" My voice was broken and wet. "He was such a kind decent man and he isn't here anymore because I failed to kill that walker when I had the chance. I haven't told anyone else about this. He was my friend and I've been so ashamed." I turned around and started crying in earnest.

Beth reached over and pulled me to her. "Look at me Carl," I rolled back over, angry over the tears, angry about Dale's death, and angry for letting Beth see me like this. "Carl, there is no way for you to have been able to see that. I mean, everyone does things and make mistakes. You were just a boy then, you've grown up a lot these last few months. I've seen that and so has everyone else. My dad thinks well of you and you saved my life. Don't put yourself down because of past mistakes. Just do better at it in the future."

I nodded, still crying, and we went to sleep that way. In each other's arms. It felt so good just to lie there next to her and the heat from her body made me feel better. I took her advice and promised myself to do better in the future. I wouldn't let anything like Dale's death happen again. Even better, Beth had said that I was her friend.

I'm not sure what the date was, but winter had passed. I was still on the outs with mom and I talked to her as little as I could despite of my earlier promise to Beth. I had become a good deal closer to Beth. I knew that I loved her, but I hadn't said anything to her about it, yet.

Daryl, dad, T-Dog, and I breached a house and killed the walkers inside. My silenced Beretta made a phhhtt sound whenever I killed a walker. I liked killing walkers. I wondered what it would be like to kill a person, like dad had when he killed Shane. The Beretta was my main gun at this point; I liked it better than my Browning. The silencer was easy to take off and put back on again.

After we got done searching the house to make sure it was safe, the others came in. I found two cans of dog food under the sink. I brought them to Beth and started to open them. We were settling in until T-Dog yelled, "Walkers!" Dad got up and in a fit of anger threw the dog food cans across the room. We couldn't stay here! We ran to the cars and left immediately. It was that or get surrounded.

A few hours later, we were trying to figure out where to go next. T-Dog suggested we swing around and go through a town we'd already been in. Then Dad and Daryl found the prison. I heard Daryl say, "It's a shame this place is over run. It would 'ave made a good home."

My dad saw it the other way. We could take this place! Dad cut a hole in the fence so we could get in. Then we closed it and took out all the walkers in the yard. It wasn't hard; we were all adept at killing walkers. I took the silencer off my Beretta, climbed to a guard tower with Hershel, and shot at least five by myself.

I saw Beth using her Vektor CP1 to kill a few from the fence. Always, I kept half an eye on Beth. I didn't want anything bad to happen to her. I knew she wasn't as good a warrior as myself or Daryl or Glenn.

Dad ran inside and closed the inner gate while we covered him. That night dad prowled around the fence repeatedly while we slept in the field. I listened to Beth sing.

_Of all the money that e'er I had,_  
_I spent it in good company._  
_And all the harm that e'er I've done,_  
_Alas! It was to none but me._  
_And all I've done for want of wit_  
_To memory now I can't recall_  
_So fill to me the parting glass_  
_Good night and joy be with you all_

About halfway through Maggie joined in. Their voices joined together and made the song better. I sat listening, entranced, hanging on to every word. Every few seconds, I'd take a bite of food, trying not to show how much I cared.

_Of all the comrades that e'er I had_  
_They're sorry for my going away_  
_And all the sweethearts that ever I had_  
_They'd wish me one more day to stay_  
_But since it fell unto my lot_  
_That I should rise and you should not_  
_I gently rise and softly call_  
_Good night and joy be to you all_

I loved to listen to Beth sing. She sang like an angel. Her voice was clear and beautiful. What she sang about, it made me feel better and brought a little bit of joy into our lives. There was so much hardship here and bitterness. I could have listened to her sing all day.

We managed to get into the actual prison fairly easily. The only walkers that gave me a problem were the ones with helmets on. I tried shooting one in the head but the bullet just bounced off. Glenn had to get that one.

Once we were, Beth went into a cell to make her own. I came in after her, and started to throw my stuff on the upper bunk. Hershel came in and asked me if I was looking for something. I stuttered and said, "I was just making sure Beth was okay." I was kind of upset not to share a room with Beth, but I'd be able to deal with it. I mean, I loved her, but if her dad needed to be close to her, that was fine. If Beth wanted to share a room with him that was okay, I respected Hershel and liked him a lot. He had saved my life when I was shot and I wouldn't soon forget it.

We were in cell block C. My dad, Glenn, Maggie, Daryl, T-Dog, and Hershel went into the prison to kill all the walkers. My job was doorman. Pretty simple, really just wait until they come back and open the door. I didn't mind it. I just stood by it, my hand on my Beretta, and waited for the others to get back. My dad told me that I might be the last man standing. I was prepared for it and knew what to do.


	7. My Debt Repaid

Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead. I 'borrowed' some of the dialogue from the episode Sick.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Seven

My Debt Repaid

Maggie, T-Dog, and dad came in wheeling Hershel on a table. Oh no, he had gotten bit! There was blood everywhere! Dad had cut off Hershel's leg to try to save him!

"What happened?" Beth screamed. I could tell how upset she was and couldn't blame her. Hershel was bit and being bitten meant you were going to die, same as Sophia, same as Jim, same as Dale.

"A lurker got him," Dad replied as we got him onto one of the bunks. Mom told me to go get towels to staunch the bleeding. I brought them back and said to Beth, "He's going to be okay." I don't know if I was lying or not, but I knew that I needed to make her feel better. It was the same type of lie that I had told to her when I said Jimmy didn't suffer. _This is really bad!_ Hershel probably wasn't going to make it; still I had to try to help him.

Carol said that he needed bandages, so I went and got them. It wasn't hard. The infirmary was close and most of the walkers had already been killed. The first walker I shot from at least twenty feet away. Then I looked under everything to check for lurkers. I kicked two dead bodies to make sure they were dead, and I made sure not to get close enough for them to bite me if they weren't. The second walker came from around the corner, I hit him in the mouth with my first shot and teeth flew out the back of its head. It knocked him down on the ground, so I waited until it got up again, aimed, and shot it directly between the eyes.

I scavenged bandages, antiseptics, and pills. I wasn't sure what pills were for what, so I just threw everything into a bag. When I came back, I said, "Check it out."

"I thought you were organizing the food," Glenn said.

I grinned and replied, "Even better."

My mom looked at me like I was nuts, "Where did you get this?"

"From the infirmary," I replied, "Wasn't much left, but I cleared it out."

My mom started to get mad, "You went by yourself?"

I looked at her exasperated, what was the big deal? "Yeah."

"Are you crazy?"

I looked at mom, looked through her really. "No big deal. I killed two walkers."

My mom started getting really mad at me and said, "Do you see this? This was with the whole group!"

"We needed supplies so I got them," I ground out.

I could see mom starting to get mad, "I appreciate that but . . ."

"Then get off my back!" I yelled.

Beth said, "Carl! She's your mother, you can't talk to her like that."

"Listen, I think it's great you want to help . . ."

I turned around and walked away. It was okay that mom was mad at me, I was mad at her too. Beth telling me not to talk that way to mom was hard. I was trying to save her dad for crying out loud! He needed help and I helped him. What was the big deal? I hadn't been hurt and I knew how to take care of myself.

I stood there waiting to see if Hershel would be okay and waiting to kill him if he wasn't. When he stopped breathing mom checked his pulse and started giving him CPR. He woke up and grabbed Mom. She instantly threw herself back. _Had he turned?_ I stood there, the safety off and my finger on the trigger of my Beretta poised to kill him if he had. He hadn't, but I almost shot him when he started gasping for air. It was a close thing.

Two days later, I went to Hershel, who was still lying on his cot, and said; "Now we're even."

"What do you mean?" He looked at me confused.

I took a deep breath and said, "You saved my life, now I've saved yours. I owed you for it, my debt is repaid."

Hershel gave me a confused look, "Carl . . . what are you talking about?"

I took a deep breath and explained, "You saved my life when Otis shot me. While you were unconscious, I got the medical supplies that helped keep you alive. Now we're square."

Hershel just looked at me sadly, "Son, you didn't owe me for that, I'm a Christian. What I did for you was an act of love. It is what I would do for all of us, same as you getting those supplies."

I shook my head and said, "I got you the supplies because I owed you. I don't know about the religion thing. I don't believe in God. I've seen too much. Like those things walking around out there. If there is a God, where is he?"

"He's there for us Carl. I've believed my entire life. I've seen God in action. When he brought you and your father to us, do you think God was there then?"

"I don't know, but I saved your life in return and now we're even."

"I wish you wouldn't think that way son." Hershel paused for a minute, "No, I shouldn't call you son; you're a man now. You've done many brave things."

"There is one other thing." Hershel looked at me questioningly. "It's about Beth, I love her."

Hershel rolled his eyes and replied, "Carl, you're too young to be in love. What you're feeling for my daughter is a crush. I saw it when you tried to share a cell with her. Do you know what she did afterwards? She just blew it off like it was a joke. Younger boys frequently get them on older girls. It's nothing to be ashamed of, it's just you coming of age."

"I am anyway. She's the nicest girl I've ever met, and I love her." Then it hit me what he had just said. "She thought I was joking?"

Hershel shook his head, "It wasn't that Carl, it's just you're thirteen. There aren't many people left, it's only natural for you to be attracted to her."

So I told him about all of it. About the deer, the jagged line with nothing on the other side, how I saved her from a walker, and how she kissed me afterwards.

Hershel looked at me and said, "Are you making this up?"

I nodded my head, "No, it happened. I asked Dale about it and he said that I might have had a what do you call it? A close to death experience."

Hershel was silent for a very long minute, "Why are you telling me all of this?"

"I want your permission to be with her. I'd never do anything to hurt her; she is more than just my friend. I love her."

Hershel seemed to consider this, "If that is what you want, I won't tell you no." Here he paused for a minute, "However, it is her decision too. Do you understand that?"

"I understand, but I want to be with her more than anything else. I would die before I let anything bad happen to her."

"I have seen how you always bring her food first. I've seen how she looks at you sometimes. Hmm, maybe you are in love with her, I don't know."

"I am," I replied. "She's all I think about. I care about her more than mom or dad or Glenn or Mom's baby."

"Then you are in love with her. If you want my permission, you have it."

Then came as my one teacher used to put it, the million dollar question. "How do I tell her?"

Hershel sighed deeply, "When the time is right, you'll know. In between now and then, don't say anything to her about it."

So that is what I decided to do. I would wait until the time was right and then I would tell her. I wasn't sure when, but when it came I would know.


	8. The Worst Thing I Ever Had To Do

Disclaimer: This chapter takes place in The Killer Within. Once more I 'borrowed' some of the dialogue from that episode

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Eight

The Worst Thing I Ever Had To Do

Hershel was getting better; I had gotten crutches for him from the infirmary. Mom had absolutely insisted that Glenn and T-Dog go with me. I had started to argue but one look from Beth shut me up. Honestly, I really felt like telling mom not even to remotely worry about it. Killing walkers was easy; I could do it in my sleep.

I was cleaning my Beretta; Beth walked by and smiled at me. I smiled back, we had had a close call, but it came out okay in the end. _Everything is going to be okay now._ Beth smiling at me always made me feel that way, like all was good in the world.

I had already cleaned my Browning and it was resting comfortably on my right side. Never ever did I clean both guns at the same time. Dad had told me not to when he taught me how to clean them, just in case something happened.

We got Hershel up and moving around and followed him outside. I could see my dad, Daryl, and Glenn outside the fence. We waved to them, one second everything was great, then everything went to hell in a hand basket!

"Walkers!" They were inside the prison, but how? _Shit On Toast! I left my Beretta on the stairs!_ I only had the Browning! My mind was racing, going into overdrive!_ How many clips do I have on me? Just one extra! _That meant I could fire my gun fourteen times, reload and fire fourteen more bullets after that. It might not be enough! What if I got swarmed when I had to reload? Why had I left my Beretta? _Dumb! Dumb! Dumb! Why had I done that? _I had the knife that Daryl had given me on the road it comes down to it, I might be able to take out one walker with it. All of this went through my head in a split second.

Mom was already shooting by the time I whipped out my Browning and started firing. Three walkers went down in quick succession. No need to worry about not having the silencer, there were walkers all over the place. _Where's Beth?_ I spun and looked behind me. She and Hershel made it into a cage; I could see that Beth had one of Hershel's crutches pressed against the door. If the walkers decided to get in there, they didn't stand a chance! Did either one of them even have a gun? I didn't think so.

Still firing at the walkers, I followed Maggie and mom into the prison my heart going a mile a minute. First, I had to get back and get the Beretta. Then make sure mom and Maggie were okay before I went back out to kill as many walkers as I could and get Beth and Hershel safely inside. I was headed for my Beretta when three walkers came around the corner. _How the hell did they get in here too? _

Beth was on her own right now, I wouldn't be able to go back and get to her. _Dad, Daryl, and Glenn are coming; they'll have to save her._ We ran the other way; into the area T-Dog had called 'The Tombs.' _This is going to be bad! _That area still had walkers in it. Then it got worse. Something was wrong with mom! "Is she bit?" I yelled panic in my voice. No, the baby was coming! We had to get out of here immediately! Outside, I could hear sirens going off. _What was happening?_

I tried to go back to the cell block, but walkers were coming. I doubled back trying to get around, more walkers! We were trapped like rats in a maze! I turned around and went through a side passageway. There was a door! With no time to waste I got Maggie and mom inside and closed the door. It wouldn't latch! _Damn it!_ I tried to bang it shut several more times but it still wouldn't close. I shut the door as best I could and went to make sure that there were no walkers in here.

Mom was going into labor._ You have got to be kidding me!_ Mom was grunting in pain, "We have to get back! Hershel can help us!"

"We can't there's too many walkers. It has to be here." I couldn't argue with her, I had fired my gun a whole bunch of times. Taking out that clip and putting in a new, made fifteen bullets I could fire. _Suppose it jams?_ Dad said that could happen if there were fifteen bullets. I pulled back the action and ejected a round and fed the next bullet into the chamber. That would make sure my gun didn't jam. _Fourteen bullets, fourteen bullets, I can kill fourteen of them and then we're dead._ A few minutes later, Maggie was saying that there was something wrong with Mom. She was bleeding too much and not fully dilatiated or something.

"What does that even mean?" I whispered to Maggie. The only reason I didn't scream it was because it might have attracted walkers.

"It means that she's is trouble. My dad told me what to do in a situation like this. We are going to have to do a caesarian." I stared back at Maggie confused, before she added, "We're going to have to cut the baby outside of her."

_This is not happening! _My mom said, "I'm not losing my baby. Carl has a knife." I started crying, mom was going to die. I went and hugged her. _Why had I been so mean to her? _

Mom spoke to me, words that I'll remember until the day I die. "You are going to beat this world, I know you will. You are smart, and you are strong, and you are so brave, and I love you. You gotta do what's right. It's so easy to do the wrong thing in this world. So, so, if it feels wrong don't do it, all right? If it feels easy don't do it, don't let this world spoil you. You're so good, my sweet boy. Best thing I ever did, and I love you, I love you. My sweet, sweet, boy I love you."

I stood there and watched as Maggie cut open mom's stomach and removed the baby. She had to slap it on the back a few times before it started to breathe. "The baby is alive," Maggie said. I took off my jacket and gave it to her. Maggie started out of the room and I followed for a few feet before turning and going back. _I have to do this for mom._ _It's the pact. I swore that I would._ Absurdly, the thought that came to me was that I had sworn on my Beretta and not on my Browning.

I went back to mom and lay down next to her. There was blood everywhere, but I could tell she was still breathing. _No more kid stuff._ I spoke into her ear, "I'm sorry I was mad at you. Please forgive me." I stood up and looked down at her for a few seconds. I took the Beretta and held it to the front of the head, directly in between the eyes. "I'll take care of the baby Mom," I whispered and pulled the trigger and all I saw was red.

Walking to the door past Maggie . . . walking back into the cell block . . . and walking to dad.

"No . . . No . . . No . . . ."


	9. My Conversation With Beth

Disclaimer: This episode takes place after Killer Within and during the episode Say The Word. Some of the dialogue comes from there, but most of it is original.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Nine

My Conversation With Beth

The first thing I did was to get my Beretta and put it in its place on my right side. That done I walked back and sat down at one of the tables, utterly numb. My mind had shut down. Nothing was coming through. Mom was gone and she wasn't coming back. I hadn't killed her per se but I had ended it for her. There was so much left unsaid and undone and now I would never have a chance to make things right. This was at least partially my fault because I forgot my Beretta, same as what happened to Dale. They both died because of mistakes I made! Beth came into the room carrying the baby. "Daryl said to keep an eye on you. Are you okay Carl?"

I looked back at her for a few seconds and said, "I screwed up."

"Carl, I know that your mom is dead, but it wasn't your fault." Beth said, "It's hard to deal with. You remember how upset I was when my mom and my brother Shawn were finally killed, don't you? I tried to kill myself afterwards. Jimmy dying was hard too, but at least he didn't suffer and he died saving you and Rick. I'm here for you. You're my friend. You saved my life once. I'm going to help you through this."

I ran my tongue around my mouth, trying to think what to say, and trying not to cry. "That isn't how I screwed up."

Beth looked at me strangely, "What on Earth are you talking about?"

"I left my Beretta on the stairs!" I stood up and screamed, "I didn't think that I would need it. We were safe inside the prison; I didn't think anything bad could happen. It was there when the walkers attacked. I only had my Browning!" Then everything came out in a rush and I started to cry, "It could have been a hell of a lot worse out there! And I screwed up big time! Suppose I didn't have enough bullets and Maggie and the baby died? I was headed back to get it when you were out there in that cage. I was going to come out after you and make sure you were safe. You didn't even have your gun with you! You could have died and it would have been my fault! It could have been so much worse . . . You and your dad could have died . . . Because of me . . . Because I left my Beretta when I was cleaning it . . . Mom is dead because of me and it's my fault! Everything is my fault! All of it! SHE'S DEAD BECAUSE OF ME!"

Beth came to me and put her arm around me. I stood there against her and broke down and wept, she was still holding the baby. "Carl listen to me." Here Beth paused for a few seconds while I was crying in earnest directly into her shirt. I hated letting Beth see me like this but there was no other choice. "T-Dog got bite, he's dead. Carol went with him, I think she might be dead too. Your dad isn't doing so well. Have your time to cry, but then you have to strong again."

Tears were running freely down my face, "T-Dog was my friend and now he's dead. Carol was with us. She's gone too. I don't know if I can deal with this."

Beth's hands stroked my head, "It isn't your fault. You did the best you could. You have to be strong Carl. You have to be strong for your sister and your dad."

My arms wrapped around her back, "Mom is dead. I said goodbye to her and she told me she loved me. She told me to be good. She said that I was her sweet sweet boy. I killed her. I shot her in the head. She was still breathing. I prevented her from coming back. I . . ."

"Oh my God, Carl! I didn't know . . ." Beth started crying too, "Your mom was my friend, I loved her as a sister." She paused for a moment to compose herself, "You did what you had to do. I mean you had to put your mom down. But I think you did the right thing. You didn't have a choice. Lori told my dad that she regarded her pregnancy as a death sentence. She knew that she was going to die. More than anything else she wanted to make sure her baby lived. You did that. You gave her what she wanted. If you hadn't killed her she would have come back."

I stood back and wiped my eyes with my shirt, "It was the pact. I mean I did it because of the pact. I promised that if one of us got bite or dies I would shoot them in the head so they won't come back as a walker. I swore that I would not just on my gun, but on my life as well. I said that I would for you or for dad or for mom or for anyone. Do you remember?"

"Yes Carl I remember. I swore it too. We talked about your mom afterwards."

"I know we did. You said to forgive mom. I wasn't totally sure if I could shot somebody until it happened. Now I know and I wish I didn't. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you. I should have forgiven mom for the Shane thing and now I won't ever have that chance."

Beth put her arm around me and held me. "You'll see your mom again in heaven Carl. You can tell her then." Even though I was still crying I had to resist the urge to laugh at her for saying that. "It's okay," she said. "It's going to be okay. Shh there there Carl it'll be okay."

But it wasn't, not really. Mom was gone and I had to deal with it. In that moment I really wanted to tell Beth that I loved her, but something told me not to. This wasn't the right time. She wouldn't take me seriously if I did, besides I had to mourn mom first.

For the rest of the day I sat there, not talking, not thinking, just blank. Beth made food for me at one point and I ate but I couldn't tell what I ate or even how it tasted. I just ate it and didn't think about it. The only time I moved was when the prisoners came into the cell block, I stood up and pointed my Beretta directly at them. "What are you doing?" Yelled Glenn, "they've been accepted into the group. They tried to help!"

"That doesn't mean I trust them," I snarled. "They were with Andrew and he killed my mom, T-Dog, and Carol! He almost killed Beth and me too. Why should I trust them now?"

The white man just stared at me timidly with his hands in the air while the black man said calmly, "I saved your father's life. I killed Andrew, he was the one who cut the chains on the gate and set off the alarms."

I looked back at him trying to decide whether or not to shoot him, "Why are you telling me this?"

He hesitated first and then spoke, "because I want you to know that you can trust me. I have your back, no matter what. I'm Oscar, this is Axel."

I looked back at him trying to decide. After a moment's thought, I lowered my gun and said, "All right, if you saved my dad's life, then I trust you." Not for the first time, I wondered what it would be like to kill a person. Not someone good or anything, but someone like Shane. Then I turned to Glenn and said, "Where is my dad?"

"He went into the tombs, I haven't seen him in hours." Glenn thought it over for a few seconds, "I'll go get him, make sure he's okay."

When Daryl finally came back, I watched him feed my new little sister, "Have you thought of a name yet?"

I said, "Not yet. But I was thinking maybe Sophia? Then there's, Carol too . . . Andrea, Amy, Jacqui, Patricia, or . . . Lori. I don't know." Then my voice failed and I walked off.

Daryl suggested the name 'Lil' ass-kicker for my sister. It was a name I thought odd at first, but it grew on me later.

Eventually I slept and in my dreams I killed my mom again. I was standing over her as I pulled the trigger and the world went red. I woke up screaming waking Beth up. She was asleep next to me, holding me while I slept and I lied to her that I was okay and to go back to sleep. I lay there afterwards for hours, unable to go to sleep again, turning over what had happened in my mind. It was nice watching Beth sleep. At one point the baby woke up and Beth fed her, but other than that I just laid there awake.


	10. The Life I Saved

Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead. This chapter is set in the episodes Hounded and When The Dead Come Knocking. Some of the dialogue comes from there.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Ten

The Life I Saved

The next day Daryl, Oscar, and I went to clean out the lower levels of the prison. We'd already cleaned out that area once, but Daryl wanted to do it again. This time, I made sure I had both guns. _I'll never go anyplace without both my guns again._

Oscar walked off to check the other side, "Come on. You know, my mom," Daryl began. "She liked her wine. She liked to smoke in bed. Virginia Slims. I was out playing with the other kids in the neighborhood." As he talked he looked into each cell to see if there were walkers in it. "I could do that with Merle gone. They had bikes, I didn't. We heard sirens getting louder. They jumped on their bikes, ran after it, you know hoping to see something worth seeing. I ran after them, but I couldn't keep up." Then he paused for a few seconds and continued again, "I ran around a corner and saw my friends looking at me. Hell, I saw everybody looking at me. Fire trucks everywhere, people from the neighborhood. It was my house they were there for. It was my mom in bed, burnt down to nothing. That was the hard part. You know, she was just gone. Erased. Nothing left of her. People said it was better that way. I don't know. Just made it seem like it wasn't real, you know?"

I stared back at Daryl, "I shot my mom. She was out; she hadn't turned yet. I ended it. It was real." I looked down and then back at Daryl, "I'm sorry for your mom."

Daryl shined the flashlight in my face and said, "I'm sorry for yours"

It really meant something to me, Daryl talking to me and telling me that. Daryl was cool. I mean, he smoked cigarettes (when he could get them), fired a crossbow, killed walkers by the score, could track through the woods like you wouldn't believe, and drank beer (when he could get it). I'd seen him and everyone else get drunk at the CDC. That was the first time I ever had wine. I knew that it was supposed to be good, but to me it tasted horrible. I'd never had anything to drink since. Will there ever come a time that I would again? Probably not, the world had ended. It was gone along with most of the people.

Oscar walked into a cell and found a pair of slippers. Daryl and I looked at him like he was nuts, "What? I like to relax at the end of a hard day's work." We were still laughing when a walker came up behind us. We all turned and shot him together.

_Dumb! Don't get distracted again when danger could be around. You have to be on guard at all times, no matter what! If there is a problem eliminate it, for the group and especially for Beth._

I went back to the cell block with Oscar. Daryl told us to go ahead. He said he had to take care of something. "What about the one that was in the cell?" I asked. I mean we had to get it. We couldn't just leave it in there.

"I'll take care of it, ya' and Oscar just go back. Make sure ya' dad is okay," he said in his slight southern drawl. I could tell he was upset about something, but I wasn't sure what. I knew that some people had to have their space so I just left without him. Besides there was something else I had to do.

I went and made sure that Beth was all right. I mean, a lot of bad stuff had just happened. I knew that more was in store for us. We had taken the prison and we had a home now, but who knew what was going to happen next. I simply walked into the cell block and saw Beth with my sister. "We need to talk."

"Sure Carl, just let me finish with the baby." We sat there as she fed my sister. We still didn't have a name for her yet, unless you wanted to call Lil' Ass-Kicker a name. "What did you want to talk about Carl? Is it about your mom again?"

I hesitated, I really did love Beth and I didn't want to offend her. "No, it's about you. When we got overrun, you didn't have a gun. You and your dad could have died because you didn't have one. I'm giving you one. Here, take it." I said as I pulled the Colt detective special out of my back pocket. "It was my mom's gun, I took it after I shot her. I think she would have wanted you to have it." I paused and licked my lips; "It's the one she swore the pact on. Daryl found it when we were looking for Sophia. The chamber holds six bullets. It's a Thirty-Eight snub nose. To reload it you just push the lever on the side. The chamber flips out, like this," I demonstrated. "There's no safety on it so be careful where you point it."

Beth looked at me a little unsure. "You're to carry it with you at all times. We had this conversation once before and you went unarmed again. You can't do that, not in this world anyway. I don't want you to die. Take it," I said insistently.

"Okay," she said as I handed it to her. "Show me how to load it."

I could tell that she was nervous about it. "Here like this," I said as I pushed the lever and opened it. "We don't have a speed loader, so just carry extra bullets in your pockets, enough to reload at least twice. It's easy to fire. Just aim it at their head. It's small, so you don't want to try to shoot at anything over twenty feet away." Beth took the gun and put it in her left back pocket. I looked at her strangely, "why there?"

"I'm left-handed silly," replied Beth.

"Oh, I didn't know that." Then as Daryl said, I went outside to see dad. Hershel and Beth came with me. The next thing I knew I was staring at a strange woman outside the fence. She was injured and clearing bleeding. The other walkers noticed her and started to come at her. "Beth take the baby and get inside!" I yelled as I ran to the fence. The stranger stabbed a walker through the head. "Should we help her?" I asked dad as she beheaded a walker. _Damn she's slick!_ Dad just looked at me confused before he started walking away. He wasn't really with it since mom's death. I had seen it and so had other people. _He's cracking!_

The woman stabbed another walker, before she fell down unconscious and they started to swarm. _We have to help her! _The Beretta or the Browning? The Beretta would attract fewer walkers, but there were already a lot of them out there. I reached for the Browning and stared firing from inside the fence. Fourteen bullets. I aimed at the walkers that were closest to her. _One . . . Two . . . _Then I started concentrating on the others. _Three . . . Four . . ._ Dad opened the fence and we went out to save her.

Dad went to the woman while I covered him. _Five . . . Six . . . Seven . . ._ "Was she bit?" Hershel called to dad.

Dad examined her wound, "No, she's been shot," he said. I grabbed her red shopping basket killing one last walker as I did. _You never know, she might have something we need in it._ Hershel shut and locked the gate as Dad carried the women into the prison.

I didn't really stop to look inside of it until I walked into the cell block. "Dad, why does she have baby formula?" Something about it wasn't right. Glenn and Maggie went to get formula, they weren't back yet, but she had showed up with it instead. _What's going on?_

"Carl get a blanket. Beth get a towel," ordered dad.

"Here?" I asked surprised.

"She's not coming in the cell block," dad said. Then he started talking to the lady, "It's okay look at me. Who are you?" The woman just stared back at him before she grabbed for her sword. Dad stamped his foot down on it, "We're not going to hurt you unless you make us. You can stay in here for right now. We'll tend to your wound."

"I don't want your help," she snarled.

"Doesn't matter, we can't let you leave," replied dad. Then dad started to ask her questions. Who was she, where was she from, why did she have baby formula, what happened to Glenn and Maggie? The woman just stared back at him impassively, her face radiating suspicion.

Daryl came up behind us, "Who the hell is this? Ya' gonna wanna come in here. I've got something you've just got to see."

We followed him back into the cell block and dad locked the door behind us. I heard dad say, "Thank God!" Carol! She was alive!

Dad hugged her as Hershel said, "How?"

"Poor thing fought her way into a cell. Must've passed out, dehydrated." Beth brought Judith to her and Carol held her smiling.

"Where's Lori?" Dad just stared back at her, "I'm sorry," she said as she hugged my dad. From the corner of my eye, I could see the new lady staring at us. I knew not to trust her, even if I had just saved her life. She was a stranger and you can't trust strangers. Still, it was good to see Carol again; I'd honestly thought she was dead. I liked Carol.


	11. Judith

Disclaimer: I don't own The Walking Dead. This chapter is entirely original and takes place between the episodes When The Dead Come Knocking and Made To Suffer.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Eleven

Judith

I loved my little sister. I loved her from the moment I first saw her. There wasn't anything I wouldn't have done for her and keep her safe in this gone to Heck and Hades world that we lived in now.

It wasn't her fault that mom died. She just came when she did. Besides, Beth had told me that mom thought she would die because of her pregnancy. It had to do with her having me. Things like that can happen. I should know. I was there when she died. _When I killed her. _

I'm the one who chose her name, Judith. It was the name of my third grade teacher, Judith Mueller. She was really nice and taught me a lot of stuff. I saw her all the time in the neighborhood when I was younger. Before she moved, she had lived four doors down the street from us. She was a good friend to my mom. That's why I chose the name.

Dad had already loaded the car with weapons, when he pulled me aside and told me to keep everyone else safe if he didn't make it back. That's when I told dad the name. "I think Judith's a fine name," dad said, smiling. I had wanted to go with them, but I understood the importance of keeping the group safe, especially Beth and Judith.

What I loved most about Judith was the way Beth took care of her. Almost as if she was her own. One time she even told me that she had always wanted a baby. No one had asked her to. She just did it naturally. Feeding her, rocking her to sleep, singing to her, holding her, all of it. Part of me giving Beth the Colt was because of Judith. It wasn't just about keeping Beth safe. If Beth was the one taking care of Judith, she had to be able to protect her.

That was one of the really great things about Beth. She was good. Maybe it was the being a Christian thing. I even let her read the Bible to me once or twice. I didn't really understand it but maybe I wasn't supposed to in the grand scheme of things. I was pretty sure there was no God. People evolved. Do you know who taught me that? Mrs. Mueller that's who.

Looking at Judith was like looking at a miniature version of me. Her little hands and her little feet, she was perfect. She didn't even cry that much. You could tell that we were related. The problem was of course, who was the dad? Her brown eyes were just like moms, and Shane's. They looked like Shane's eyes.

I knew what sex was even if I hadn't had it yet. Shane and my mom had had sex. It didn't take rocket science to figure that out. Looking back, I couldn't really blame my mom. It wasn't her fault. She thought my dad was dead. Shane lied and told us both that and we believed it. Then dad came back alive. That was what started the trouble. I wished I had been nicer to my mom and forgiven her when she was still alive, but now I couldn't.

At first, I was unsure of how dad would react to Judith because of the parental issue. Mom and dad had been really distant after the farm. If we were living in the old world, they would have gotten a divorce. I knew it wasn't mom's fault, Shane had lied and said dad was dead. Shane was okay at first, but later he went nuts. The same way dad was going crazy because of my mom's death. It's not good to watch someone lose it, but that was what was happening to dad. Hershel said it was from the stress.

Shane had been like a father figure to me. Without him, we wouldn't have survived the first few weeks. He showed me how to do stuff. Tying knots, fishing for frogs, how to use a knife without cutting myself, and of course, he taught me how to use a gun. The first gun he gave me was the Colt Police Special. I think he gave it to me because it was the smallest one. He taught me how to load and fire it. It was the one I gave to Beth, the one mom carried, the one mom swore the pact on. I glanced at her every now and then to make sure she still had it. She couldn't go unarmed again. It was too much of a risk. _What happens if we get overrun again?_

I waited until we were alone in the common room. "Hey Beth," I said. "You have your gun. How many bullets do you have on you?"

"Just the ones in the gun Carl," she replied chipper as all get out.

I had to work not to roll my eyes in exasperation. Beth was nice and all, but in some things she was a complete doofus. I said once to carry extra rounds with her and she wasn't doing it. Just like she hadn't listened to me earlier about carrying her gun with her at all times. _Things like that can get you killed._ Holding on to my temper with both hands, "You need to carry more bullets than just that. Here," I said holding a half-empty box of thirty-eight ammunition out to her. "I have some more, you should carry at least twelve extra." Then I paused and reached into my back pocket, "Oh and I found you a speed loader too." I said this casually not mentioning the three hours it took for me to finally find it underneath a car seat.

"Oh, thanks Carl!" Beth chirped brightly before continuing, "What's a speed loader?"

_Beth! You idiot!_ _If you could see what I was thinking, you wouldn't be smiling right now._ Instead of getting mad I said, "A speed loader is a device that holds six bullets so you can reload your gun faster than putting in the bullets one at a time. Let me show you how to use it."

I set the speed loader and box of ammunition on the table and took Judith from Beth. I rocked her back and forth while I spoke, "Okay first dump all the bullets out of the gun." Beth tried and couldn't get the barrel to slide out. Sighing mentally I said, "Here let me show you. You push the lever down here to open it. The bullets fall out like this," I demonstrated as a stray round fell off the table. "You take the speed loader, align the bullets with the slots like so, and put it in. Then you slide off the speed loader like this and flip it shut. Now you're ready to shot. To reload the speed loader you just insert more bullets like this," I said suiting action to words.

Beth and I went through it several times before she finally saw how to do it. "Now listen to me, you have to keep your gun on you at all times. Keep the loader where you can get to it quickly. Remember it takes a while to reload. If you fire your gun and nothing is happening, put in more bullets if you get the chance. Just remember the shells will be hot after you shoot so don't burn yourself. Lift them out with your fingernails."

"Okay, do I have to cock back the thing before I fire it?"

"You mean the hammer? No, just pull the trigger. You can cock the hammer before firing the gun, but you don't need to. Just remember to keep the gun, speed loader, and at least a dozen bullets on you at at all times. Keep it near you when you sleep and don't go anywhere without it." Here I paused before continuing, "Do I make myself clear? Don't go anywhere without your gun. Oh and one more thing, you have to practice drawing it. You need to make it a part of you. Your life could depend on it. Do it in front of a mirror if you have to. "

Beth smiled nodding and I ended the lesson there. That night I walked by her cell to see where she had it. She was sleeping in her cell with Hershel in the bottom bed (he couldn't get onto the top) and Judith on the floor in her basket with Lil Ass Kicker written on the side. Her gun was lying on a shelf behind her. About three feet from her sleeping form. The speed loader and more bullets were next to it. Good, I nodded to myself, it was close enough to get to in case of an emergency but there was little chance of it going off by accident. That mattered as well, especially since Judith was staying in the same room with her.


	12. How I Told Beth I Loved Her

Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead. This chapter takes place during the episode Made to Suffer.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Twelve

How I Told Beth I Loved Her

Beth came in carrying Judith before giving her a bottle. Axel was sitting there and started to talk to her. I didn't like it. I knew that he was coming on to her. _She's mine. I love her. I saved her life. I'm the one she trusts. If you try to hurt her, I'll kill you in a heartbeat. _It went through my mind as I stood there and glared at him. Carol came in and asked to speak to Axel.

I went to the cell door and listened. Carol said, "Stay away from her."

"Please." In my mind I could see his weasel little face as spoke.

"This isn't about you trying to repopulate the earth."

I heard Axel say, "I didn't mean no offense. I've been locked up a long while and, well, there weren't many women. You following me?" His voice went high and plaintive. Sheepish is how mom would have described it. "I mean, Maggie, she's with Glenn and you're a lesbian. I was just talking with her."

"I'm not a lesbian," Carol replied with exasperation.

"You got the . . . short hair. You're not a lesbian?" I could hear something come into his voice, something selfish, whiny, and dishonest. "My, my, this is interesting."

"No, it's not," she said and walked away.

I decided to keep an eye on Axel. I didn't fully trust him. My take on him was that he was a coward, like Shane. Someone that could flip out at the wrong time and get people killed. The attack on the farm had been Shane's fault and it had cost people their lives. _If the time comes, I'll make sure that he won't cost anyone else their lives. You can count on that. I've killed enough walkers. How different can it be to kill a person? _

I waited until Axel was out in the guard tower and then went to Beth and warned her about him. "Listen to me, I don't trust that guy. He's bad. Bad like Randall, maybe even worse. Don't be around him by yourself. Don't let Judith be around him either." As I spoke I glanced at her left back pocket to make sure she had her gun.

Beth didn't believe me. "Carl, honestly! He's just a guy. I don't know him very well or anything, but he seems harmless." She was loading my clip with bullets as we talked. "I know he was a convict before, but just for drugs. He wasn't in here for violent behavior. Besides he got the electricity on for all of us to take hot showers." I did have to smile at that. It had been nice to take a hot shower after not being able to bathe for months. Everyone had been happy about that. Even after my mom's death it still felt like a celebration. Nonetheless, I just sat there and stared at her. I mean it was always good to talk with Beth, but this time she just didn't get the point.

"Just keep the gun I gave you with you at all times. Wherever you go. Got it?" No matter what was going on, I liked to talk to her. She could handle stuff and still be okay with it. That's why I liked her. All hell could break loose and Beth would still be calm. She didn't get upset, but there was a down side to that too. It could make you naive. Maybe it was the being a Christian thing. On the flip side of that coin, it was good to value other people's opinions. People as wise as Dale or Hershel for instance.

Beth nodded, "Yes I'll do that, but I still think you're overreacting."

Can you ever overreact to danger? "I don't like it!" I whispered so Hershel who was nearby wouldn't hear. "That Axel guy isn't brave and he isn't right somehow! What about those people he was with? Some of them were okay, but Tomas wasn't. My dad had to kill him because he was bad. Then there was Andrew. He cost T-Dog and mom their lives. He almost killed Carol too. All because my dad didn't kill him when he had the chance. If I'd had the chance to kill him, mom might still be alive right now. I'd trade a thousand strangers to get my mom back." By the end my voice had raised into a near shout, regardless of Hershel's overhearing. As I said that to her I had already decided that dad and the others weren't coming back. They were probably dead. Switching mental gears I said, "If dad and the others aren't back by the end of the week, I'll take Carol and go get formula."

Beth looked at me and said, "Your dad and the others will be back by then." I could tell she was concerned about my dad not coming back, but some of that concern was because of me. She cared about me up to the point where I died at least. Now, how could I show her that I cared about her a hell of a lot more than that?

I already knew what to say next. "We don't know that. Right now Judith is the only family I got."

I never knew what she was going to say next. Because suddenly, I heard a women screaming "No . . . no . . . no!" Was Carol in trouble? Was Axel attacking her? No she was in the guard tower with Axel. The sound was coming from the tombs. Adrenaline pumped through me. I grabbed the clip from Beth and put it in my pocket. _I have to help them!_ I was up and ready to move in a split second.

Hershel held up his crutch in front of me and said, "I can't let you go. It's too dangerous."

"It's what my Dad would do." Hershel looked at me for a minute before nodding. I went to the door and opened it, "You and Beth wait here, and I'll be back as soon as I can. Stay here with the keys to this door. Don't leave until I get back!"

"Be careful Carl." Beth said, worry in her voice. Hershel standing next to her only nodded, but he communicated the same thing.

I grabbed a flashlight, turned it on, and made sure to flip the safety off of my Beretta. Then I paused for a second to check that a bullet was in the chamber. Before I left I looked at Beth and said what I hadn't been able to say before, "I love you Beth." In my heart I knew it was an odd thing to do, but I couldn't die without saying it! I knew that what I was about to do was extremely dangerous. _If I don't come back, I didn't die without saying it._ Then I turned and walked to the other door as quickly as I could without waiting to see her reaction. I went down one hall and then another shining the flashlight before me looking everywhere for lurkers. I didn't want to get bit like Hershel. I knew this area fairly well. It had walkers in it.

When I came to the boiler room door where my Mom died I stopped dead in my tracks and stared at it. I had been back there before to retrieve my mom's snub nose Colt detective special so I could give it to Beth. That not withstanding, a wave of emotion ran through me. _Red. I saw red here._ I almost didn't see the walker until it was on top of me. One quick shot and it was gone. I walked on toward the noise. When I walked in, there were five people, two men and three women. One of them was lying on the ground with a man cradling her. I shot one walker in the head while a big black man killed a walker. They all turned around and looked at me in shock.

"Come on, hurry." They started following me and the man carrying the women tripped and fell, "Go on without me," he said.

"Look out," screamed the black lady.

I turned and shot a walker from less than two feet away. Something splashed on me but I was too high on adrenaline to pay it any attention. _That was too close! _The guy tripping had distracted me and that one had snuck up behind me. _I need to be more careful! It only takes one slip and I'm dead. What happens to Beth and Judith then? _"You have to leave her!"

The big black man picked the injured women up and punched a walker before I shot it. When we got back to the cell block I automatically wanted to shoot the woman in the head. The black man said he would take care of it. I used the time they were distracted to lock them in.

One of them started to yell and scream that I had to let them out. However, the large black man whom I thought was their leader said, "It's his house Sasha. His rules. We're safe here. This is the best we've had in weeks. We have other things to take care of."

Beth asked me, "Aren't you going to help them?"

"I already did." I smelled something bad and realized that I had walker guts all over the lower half of my jeans and shoes. _Yuck!_ _When had that happened?_ I grabbed a pair of pants from my cell, and went to the shower and turned it on. I just stood there in the cold water sans shirt and waited until all the walker remains were gone. Once I was clean I put my pants on a hook and laid out my shoes and socks so they would dry.

When I got back, the first thing I did was to grab a box of bullets and reloaded the clip of my Beretta. I always did that whenever I fired it to make sure I had enough bullets. Dad had warned me to always have a full clip. Beth came up behind me and said, "Carl, we need to talk."

"Sure," I said and followed her into my cell. We sat down next to each other.

Beth sat there for what seemed an age, "Why did you say that to me?"

I didn't hesitate, "I feel that way about you. I'm not lying; I'm in love with you." Here I paused to take a deep breath. "I told your dad about it after I got him the medical supplies. I've been in love with you for a while now. You're the nicest person I ever met and you're my best friend. I thought I might die and I couldn't leave it unsaid."

"Yeah, but saying I love you? You're a nice person and you're very brave. I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for you. Neither would my dad. However, I don't know if I feel that way about you."

"It's how I feel. I would die one thousand times before I let anything bad happen to you. When we swore the pact, I thought about you. I didn't want to die without saying it."

"Carl, you're thirteen. I'm seventeen. You're still just a boy."

"No, I'm not. I don't want to play with toys anymore. I make adult decisions and I stand by them. If there were other kids around, I'm not sure if I could relate to them anymore."

"I guess you're a man now. I don't know how to say this but I really like you to." Then she kissed me on the mouth before getting up and running away.

I just sat there savoring the feel of Beth's lips on mine. It was nice. She had kissed me on the cheek before, but never on the mouth. There hadn't been tongue or anything, but I liked it. Even better, she had said that she felt that way about me too.


	13. The Other People

Author's Notes: This chapter takes place in the episode The Suicide King. I would also like to add that I really enjoyed the following videos; Carl/Beth Fall by JakeTAustinFan143 and Not the boy I used to be by HallonFjun92. I could watch those videos again and again.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Thirteen

The Other People

I stood there watching the new people. Guarding them really. My Beretta and my Browning were still in my holsters, but the safety was off on both of them. I was prepared to use it if any of these people tried anything. _Go ahead make my day. I really do want to find out what killing a person feels like._

Hershel came to the door and asked if anyone was wounded. The one guy was, he cut his leg on his own knife when he fell carrying his dead wife. _Idiot._ I stood there and watched Hershel sew up the guy's wound; "You can take those stitches out in a week or two."

Beth came to the cell door carrying Judith; I made the shape of a gun with my thumb and forefinger. She nodded to show that she had her gun on her before I opened the door. The one lady walked over and said, "How old is the baby?"

"Barely a week," Hershel replied.

"Beautiful," she said. She was the woman who had yelled at me when I locked them in. I could tell she meant it. I still didn't trust her, but at least my opinion of her was a little higher.

"Thanks", Beth said. I could honestly see that she loved my little sister.

"To be honest we didn't think we'd ever see another baby again. How are feeling?"

"She's not mine." _Must we have this conversation?_ It was so incredibly painful. I couldn't sleep sometimes knowing that I had ended it for mom. Even when I lay there at night curled up with Beth.

"Where's the mother? I'm sorry . . ." _Not as sorry as I am. Not even a tenth as much._ So much left unsaid and undone. I wished I could take back what had happened between mom and I before she died. My attention wandered for a few minutes before I forcibly brought my mind back to the conversation I was hearing.

I stood there and listened as the big black man talked about how they'd survived. "At one point we had over twenty-five people," he finished.

Then the woman spoke up, "Six or seven weeks ago we got over run."

"Tyreese . . ." I could see Hershel struggling for words. "We have a close knit group. I wouldn't get too comfortable here." I waited until Hershel was in and then shut and locked the door. Then I went to see Beth.

She was standing there giving my sister a bottle. "Listen to me, don't trust the new people. Keep your gun on you at all times. We've had problems with outsiders before."

"I know that Carl," as she set Judith down and poked her head out of her cell to see where her father was. Once she saw the coast was clear she turned back to me and spoke, "Carl please sit. We really need to talk about what you said before." Then she sat down next to me and put her arm around me, "I was up all last night thinking about what you said to me." Her finger toyed with the back of my neck, "I've thought it over and I think I'm starting to feel that way about you too. Would you like to kiss me? I mean kiss me for real."

I nodded, knowing not to talk just then. I leaned over and kissed her, just a small peck on the lips and then pulled back. I looked into her eyes and whispered, "I love you Beth." I closed my eyes and our lips were together and her tongue was in my mouth and mine entwined around hers. I placed my hand on her breast and squeezed softly. It felt so good. In that moment, I loved Beth more than anything. We were only making out for a few seconds, before I heard noise out in the hall coming towards us. Hershel! I broke apart from her and walked out the door like nothing had happened.

Then I went out on guard duty with Carol. "It's so quiet. It's easy to forget how loud it used to be. What I wouldn't give for the sound of a jumbo jet."

I couldn't even remember that much of before. There was only the now for me. The time before, who cared? Instead of saying that, I just politely agreed with her. I didn't want to be rude to her like I was before. Besides dad had said not to be. You have to be able to get along with the people who had your back. "Your mom was proud of you," Carol said to me.

"For what being mean to her?" Then I started to cry. "It's all I think about." Then I heard a car in the distance, "Please be them."

It was them! Dad and the others were back! Good, I honestly thought they were dead. I unlocked the front gate and Carol helped me slide it open before I ran and opened the interior gate.

Dad said, "Daryl left. He's gone."

"Is he coming back?" Carol just looked stunned. I knew that she and Daryl had a thing. I was shocked too; Daryl was gone, off with his brother Merle. I didn't know Merle all that well, but I had heard other people talk about him. From what I knew, he was bad news big time. I asked dad about Oscar, but he just said, "no."

We started walking to the prison. Beth came out, she was so happy to see her sister safely back that she ran up and kissed dad on the cheek. I knew it was just a friendly thing, that she was just glad to see them safely back. It wasn't like she had just kissed me. I went back into the prison and sat there guarding the other people, my Beretta on my lap. When dad and Hershel came in, I followed them into the cell block. _We need to talk about them._ Beth handed Judith to dad, "She has Lori's eyes." _Beth I really wish you hadn't said that._ Dad just stood there like he was dazed or something.

Then the conversation started. There was another group out there being led by some madman called the Governor. Dad had all but declared war against them getting Maggie and Glenn back. _This is trouble._ They had a whole town against what, eight of us not counting Judith. "We could use some reinforcements," Hershel said, and jerked his head toward the cafeteria. _He's right; we need other people to help defend our fort._

Everybody followed dad into the common room to meet with Tyreese. "I'm Tyreese," he extended his hand toward dad but he didn't take it.

"Sasha, Allen, Ben," said Hershel.

"How did you get in?"

"Fire damage to the administrative part of the prison. Walls down," he replied.

"They were lost in the tombs," I said trying to sound impassive.

"And you brought them here?" _What was I supposed to do, leave them there to die?_

Tyreese went on to say that his group could help defend the prison and that they would do anything to contribute. I was willing to go along with it. Just from listening to Tyreese I could tell that I could get along with him, but I wasn't so sure about the others.

"I can't be responsible," Then he stopped, as though he was reconsidering. Suddenly, dad looked up and started yelling, "Why are you here? What do you want from me? No! I can't help you get out! Get out! Get out! Get out!"

Everybody started to back away from him. Tyreese tried to calm the situation by saying, "Nobody has to get shot here. It's okay."

"Get out!" Dad screamed again and Glenn got them outside in a hurry before dad could hurt someone. We all stood there looking at dad as he frantically started pacing around the room.

_He's losing it. I knew it before, but now he's getting worse. What's going to happen to him next?_


	14. Under Attack

Author's Notes: This chapter takes place in the episode Home, once more I stole some of the dialogue from that episode. The line of Carl saying to Glenn: Rocky Balboa called he wants his face back; I 'borrowed' from Breaking Bad, another AMC show.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Fourteen

Under Attack

We had work to do. I watched as Glenn drew on the floor with chalk. "All right, you said you found Tyreese's group here."

_Dad made a mistake getting rid of them; he's slipping, maybe even going mad. Don't concentrate on that now. You have things to do._ "He thought he came through here," I said pointing. _This is bad; if enough of them get in we could get overrun. It would be an easy way for this Governor guy to attack us. We're totally blind on that side._

Glenn thought about it for a few seconds, "That means there's another breach! If walkers can just stroll in it'll be cake for a group of armed men!" _Okay, I'm with you my friend. We'll go in, find the breach, fix it, and kill as many walkers as possible. Maybe even set a trap for the Governor._

Glenn started to talk about the Governor, how he wanted to take him out. Hershel tried to talk him out of it and made some good points before finishing, "Rick would never allow it." _Dad might not, but_ _I'll help you do it. Give me a chance and I'll take care of him._

"Do you think he is in a position to make that choice?" _No, he isn't. He's outside now doing God knows what._

"Why are we even so sure he's to attack?" Beth said, "Maybe we scared him off."

Michonne spoke up, it was only the third or fourth time I actually heard her say something. "He had fish tanks full of heads. Walkers and humans, he's coming." _Really? Cool! _I knew that I couldn't say that out loud, but it made me feel . . . excited? _Whatever is going to happen next, it won't be boring. In the game of survival we have a new challenge!_

"We can't stay here," Hershel ground out.

Glenn looked at him like he was nuts, "Back when you had two legs and we didn't have a baby crying for walkers every four hours. We can't run! Carl you and I will go into the tombs," then he stopped and looked around. "Who's on watch?" Glenn was obviously upset about it. _I can't blame you really; we have to guard better._

While I waited for Glenn to come back, I got ready to go into the tombs. _Flashlight check, Beretta's and Browning's safety off check, silencer on the Beretta check, both guns fully loaded check, chamber in the round – making sure they wouldn't jam check, extra clips for both guns check, bullet proof vest check, boots check, and finally, hat check._ Before I put my hat on I ran my fingers through my hair, it had gotten quite long. _The last person who gave me a haircut was mom. Don't think about that. Don't think about her. _When Glenn came in I said, "Dude, Rocky Balboa called he wants his face back."

Glenn looked at me and laughed. It was good to hear him laugh, but then he sobered and said, "before we go in Carl there is one thing I need to talk to you about. You made a mistake yesterday." I looked at him questioningly before he continued, "You unlocked the interior gate while the outer gate was still open. We could get swarmed and walkers could get in because you did that. Do you understand?" I nodded somberly he was right I had made a mistake. _Don't screw up._

Axel wanted to come with us, but I said no. He wasn't much of a fighter and would be more of hindrance than help. Michonne wanted to come too. _I don't trust you. I don't know you._ Before we went, Beth said, "Be careful Carl." Then she hesitated and said, "you too Glenn."

Something about how Beth said that made Glenn look at me oddly. I shook my head no, "I've got a silencer. Don't shoot unless you have to, it'll bring all of them down on us at once. Especially in there, the shots really echo." Glenn had lost his Glock to the Woodbury people so now he was just carrying a machete. "Don't you want a gun?" I asked concerned about how we were going to do this.

"No," he said. "I'm good." He smiled a cold smile.

"At least put on a vest." He nodded grudging agreement and did so. _What the hell had happened to him in the last few days?_ _His face looked like hell and back. How does it feel to get beaten up like that? _I took a deep breath and we went into the tombs my Beretta out and ready.

I shot one walker, but I could hear more of them moaning from around the next corner. We stood there and waited for them to come. Glenn stood behind me waiting for any stragglers to get through, while I gunned them down. Glenn went ahead and kicked them all to make sure they were fully put down. One wasn't and started to grab at Glenn's leg before I shot it. "Thanks," he said.

"Can I tell you something?" I whispered to Glenn. He nodded and I said, "I kissed Beth."

"You're kidding right?" I shook my head no. "Is that why she just looked at you like that?" 'Yeah,' I mouthed. Glenn looked at me exasperated, "Carl, that's great and I'm happy for you, but now is not the time." I nodded and we moved stealthily to the next corner and I took out two more walkers. We got to where the boiler room and I hesitated. _Don't think about that now. If you do you'll freeze up._

"Listen to me," I said in a low voice, "the boiler room will be hard to take. There is a lot of stuff in there. We have to carefully look under everything to make sure there are no lurkers." We got about ten feet inside, me leading with Glenn following. I scanned the area first and started looking underneath the machines. There were no walkers and suddenly there were three. I shot the first one and then the second. Suddenly there were more, at least a dozen. Coming from around the corner and from underneath the boiler. I even saw one crawling out of a vent.

"There's too many of them! Back!" Ordered Glenn. _You don't have to tell me twice. _We got out of the boiler room, Glenn first. "Shit!" He screamed as he nailed a walker coming up on us. Walker blood splashed the front of his vest. More walkers were coming down the passageway. We ran like hell itself was after us, me firing all the way. When we got to the door, Axel let us in.

"Quick shut the door and lock it!" I screamed.

"The boiler room is overrun again," said Glenn. Walkers were behind us, trying to get into the cellblock, thrusting their arms through. _We can clear that up later._

Glenn said he had something else to do. Something with Maggie, I knew they had something together and had been through an ordeal. Getting rid of the rest of the walkers required teamwork. So I had to ask, "Listen," I said to Axel and Beth, "Can you take out those walkers. I just used a lot of bullets and I don't want to use more." I watched them work as I reloaded. Beth was fast and efficient. Axel less so, when they were finished I said, "Can you and Axel clear them away from the door?"

Once that was over we went outside. _Nothing to do now._ I went to Beth and said, "hi."

"Hi Carl," then she glanced around to make sure no one else was near. "Listen, I asked Carol to take care of Judith tonight. Once my dad goes to bed, meet me in the last cell."

"Why what for?" I asked with a grin.

"You know what for silly," Beth replied with a grin of her own.

With half an ear I was listening to Axel talk. I didn't like him and I was still keeping an eye on him. "That son of a bitch had a huge money problem. He never lent me any!" _**Boom!**_ Everything seemed to slow down as adrenaline pumped through me. Axel was down and not moving! _He's dead! We're under attack!_ My Browning was in my hand without a thought behind it. _He's in the guard tower! How the hell did he get in here? Must be one of the Governor's men!_ Whoever it was he was still shooting. More bullets hit Axel's body. Carol was using him as a shield.

"Beth, behind me!" I screamed, we were by the bleachers and I was shooting at the guard tower. _Fire! I'll kill you damn it! Fire!_ "Follow me!" I ran for the wall firing as I ran, Beth behind me her thirty-eight out of her back pocket in her hand. _If I can't get him, she's not going to either!_ I fired from behind the wall again. _Missed! Damn! Shoot again! Missed! _I got back behind the wall. I was about ready to fire again but a bullet struck the wall inches from my face and I jumped back. _That was too close!_

Maggie ran out carrying guns! _Good!_ "Beth," she screamed and gave her a shotgun and an automatic rifle. _Does she even know how to use them?_ Then Maggie was behind a discarded filing cabinet firing, "Carol go!" she screamed. I leaned around the wall from a lower spot and fired twice as Carol came to us. _I might not hit you, but at least I'll distract you from shooting Carol. _Carol made it to the wall and Beth handed her the rifle. A vague part of me could hear an engine in the distance. _What the hell is that? It's getting closer!_

With a mighty explosion an orange and white van crashed through the gate. Then it veered to the side and paused directed toward the inner gate. _If that gets in here now we're all dead. Stay behind the wall and aim for the tires. How many bullets do I have left? Reload!_ As I did so, the van backed up a few yards and its back fell down. Walkers started coming out. _Okay bad but not an immediate threat; kill the guy in the tower!_ I leaned out from the wall and fired at him before I ducked back and then Carol let loose a few rounds. It was Maggie that got him! I'd been about to lean out and fire again. _I wish I'd got that M***** F*****!_

_Where's Hershel? Where's dad? _We ran to the gate and I opened it. We watched as Michonne ran across the field killing walkers. _H*** S***! I thought you were good before but now I think you're great!_ I saw Glenn in the truck driving to get Hershel. Once he was in, Glenn and Michonne jumped in the truck and drove inside. I closed the gate as quickly as I could. Hershel got out and hugged his daughters. _Now what about dad? Where is he?_


	15. Andrea

Author's Notes: This episode takes place in I Ain't a Judas. Once more I stole some of the dialogue from there. Also, I've gotten a lot of reviews (all of which have been positive) and I've got a fair amount of followers with my story. I just wanted to say, THANK YOU!

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Fifteen

Andrea

Getting Dad, Daryl, and Merle inside was easy. Dad already had the key to that lock. I took the Remington 700 that Maggie had brought out. The feel of it in my hands brought a thought to my mind; _this was Otis's rifle. He shot me with it. He almost killed me with it, now its mine. _I flipped the safety off and used it to take out a few walkers as dad and the two others ran across the field.

Carol had the Colt Law Enforcement that Maggie had given her and Beth fired the shotgun once, missed a walker, and didn't know how to reload it. _Great, I knew she didn't know how to use it!_ Merle dallied and killed a few with his pistol as he walked across the yard.

Once they were inside, dad relieved Merle of his gun and we locked him in the common room. _Good that you're in there. I don't trust you. You beat up my friend Glenn and I don't know what the hell you did to Maggie but I don't like it. _

Dad said, "We're not leaving." _Darn right we're not. There is no way we can survive out there. Not with Judith crying all the time we won't. _

"We can't stay here," said Hershel.

"We can't even go outside," Beth added. _We still have the courtyard and the outer fence is fixable. Besides no matter what, I'll take care of you. I promise. _

Glenn started to get angry, "If Rick says we're not leaving then we're not leaving."

Then Merle spoke up, "If he takes the high ground he could just starve you out." _He might be right. We're getting low on food. _

"I said before we should leave. Now Axel is dead. We can't just sit here." Hershel said before dad started to walk away. "Get back here! You're slipping Rick! We've all seen it and we understand why. I put my family's life in your hands! So get your head clear and do something!" _I can't blame you for saying that, I really can't. Things were bad here and there is a good possibility that they were going to get worse. We can't leave! This is our home now! What are we going to do next?_

I waited until dad was outside and I went to see him. _No more kid stuff. This is important and it affects everybody. _

Dad looked at me and said, "You shouldn't be out here."

_And you should be?_ "I'm a good shot."

"Yes, yes you are." There was no hesitation in my dad's voice, just pride.

"Hey dad." _This is not going to be easy._ "If I say something will you promise not to get mad?"

Dad laughed and said, "I won't get mad."

I took a deep breath and looked dad firmly in the eye, "you should stop."

"Stop what?" Dad looked at me questioningly.

"Being the leader. Let Hershel and Daryl handle things." _I didn't say that to hurt you dad, but you're not capable anymore. _Then I went back inside to make sure Beth was okay, "hi," I said shyly.

"Hey Carl. Listen you still want to met me tonight, right?"

"Of course I do." Then I paused, "is everything all right with you? I mean with what just happened?"

"I'm fine really. I'll wait until my dad is asleep then I'll sneak out and met you. Are you okay? I saw you shooting at that guy in the guard tower. You were very brave." Beth paused looked down and then back at me with admiration in her eyes, "you might have just saved my life again. Maybe Carol's as well."

_You don't want to know how close I just came. If I had been a few seconds earlier taking a shot at that guy, I'd be dead now and you might be too. _In lieu of saying that, "I'm fine really. That guy didn't come close to hitting me. Even if he had, I had my vest on. Listen, I've got to go back to guard duty. We don't know if that Governor guy is going to attack again. I'll see you tonight when I get off."

That night I took the Remington 870 shotgun that Beth had been unable to fire and brought it to the cell at the end. I cleaned it first then unload it and waited for her. I didn't have to wait long. "Hey," I said smiling when she walked in the door.

Beth looked at me strangely, "I thought you wanted to spend time with me, why did you bring a shotgun?"

Trying not to come off as being irate I said, "you don't know how to use it. Let me show you how."

"Wait, I came here to be with you," Beth asked petulantly. "You don't want to kiss me?"

"It isn't that I don't want to kiss you." _Keeping you alive comes first_. "The yard is overrun with walkers and your .38 is okay for close range, but you need something better now, okay?" _Please understand that as much as I want to be with you, your safety is paramount to me. _

"Kiss me first." _Yeah like I'm really going to turn that down._ I sat down next to her on the bunk and we were together. It was better than the other times, like eating a full meal when you've hungry for a while. I held her in my arms, my mouth was on her's and her's on mine. Our tongues were together, "Carl . . . " she dragged my name out in a moan of ecstasy. Her hot breath was in my face, "do you want to touch me?" Without waiting for me to respond, she took my hand and placed it on her breast. _OOOOOHHHHH! I'll always protect you Beth. From the walkers, from the Governor, from anything. I love you._ When we broke apart, she said, "Okay now show me how to use the shotgun."

_You want to see that now?_ I got off of the bunk and picked up the shotgun. "You have to pull back on the pump to reload the next round," I demonstrated. "It has a trigger disconnector. That means you can't hold the trigger when you pull back on the pump. That's why you couldn't reload today. You kept your finger on the trigger."

"Oh," Beth leaned back on the cot and looked at me questioningly. "How do you know that?"

With a deep sigh I said, "Shane told me. He wasn't bad when he told me that. He was still my friend. I know he tried to kill dad later." Then I paused remembering, "he was the first walker I killed." I shook my head to clear it. "Here let me show you how to load it. You slide the shells into the side here. It holds five maximum. Here I brought you a strap for it. You can put extra shells in the strap."

Beth did what I showed her. I had her repeat it twice to make sure she knew how. Then she looked at me curiously before she kissed me again. We were together on the bed and she was on top of me. It was so wonderful, the feel of her in my arms, running my fingers through her long blonde hair, and the pleasure of her touching me back. We were so engrossed in each other that we didn't hear the footsteps coming down the hall.

"Beth!" yelled Hershel.

"Daddy!" She got off me and darted out of the cell as quick as lightning.

Hershel just stood there glaring at me. "I'm in love with her," I said. "I didn't mean to be. It just happened. We found each other. I'd die a thousand times before I let anything bad happen to her. I swear it on my life."

Instead of saying anything, Hershel just turned around and stomped away. I crept down the corridor after he left and stood there where I could hear them talking. "Listen here Bethy, you are my daughter and I love you, but be careful with that boy. He only wants one thing and you know it!" _No, no I don't just want that. I want her in my life, more than anything else in this world. _

"Dad, I think I'm in love with him." _Really? Yes! _ "Carl really cares about me. He wanted to show me how to use the shotgun so I could be safe. He wanted to do that more than he wanted to kiss me just now!"

"That's touching." Hershel snarled, "and you may think that you are in love with him, but you're only seventeen and you're still my daughter. If you want to be with him, I'll deal with it, but don't go behind my back about it again! Got it!"

"Fine!" Beth yelled loud enough to wake Daryl who was sleeping in the next cell.

The next day, I was standing guard duty with binoculars. "Something weird out there."

"Andrea!" Maggie yelled, "Get your dad and the others!" Andrea was in the yard coming towards us with a walker in front of her. _You know that's not a bad idea. Save it for later._

I ran back inside, "Guys! Andrea's here!" Everyone followed me out the door into the yard. I saw Merle pick up a Mk. 18 Mod 0. My hand went to my Browning but I saw dad shake his head no. _Okay, I'll follow your lead, even if you said not to trust him before. I'll keep an eye on him; he's trouble with a capital T._

"Are you alone?" my dad demanded._ If you aren't there is no way in hell you're getting in here, even if you were with us before!_

"Open the gate!" Andrea screamed. _There are walkers out there! I can understand where dad is coming from but you need to let her in right now! _

"Are you alone?" Dad asked again.

"Rick!" Andrea screamed in desperation. I scanned the area with the Remington's rifle scope. _I can't see anyone else out there. She's alone. Come on just let her in. _

As soon as she was inside dad said "Hands up turn around." _I really thought you were dead. How the hell did you make it?_ "Welcome back," he said as he led Andrea inside. Andrea walked in and hugged Carol.

"After you saved me, we thought you were dead," said Carol through tears.

"My God! I can't believe this!" said Hershel.

"Where's Sane and Lori?" asked Andrea.

"She had a girl," Hershel replied. "She didn't survive. Neither did T-Dog."

Andrea looked at me poignantly, "Carl." I just stared back at her. _I don't know you lady. You've been going for months and months and now you're with the enemy. The second you come back, I'm supposed to welcome you with open arms? I don't think so._ "You all live here?"

"Here and the cell block," replied Glenn. _Yeah and thank God we have this place. We'd all be dead by now without it. _

"You're not going in there," said dad_. Damn straight you're not. _

Andrea looked at him like he was nuts. _You're not half wrong lady._ "I'm not an enemy Rick."

"We had that field, courtyard before your boyfriend shot it up," dad retorted. _Yeah and now we just have this thanks to that a******. I miss not being able to go out there. So does Beth. _

"He killed an inmate who survived in here," said Hershel.

"Yeah and he was one of us," Daryl put in. "We liked him." _Well not all of us._

Andrea looked confused, "he said you fired first." _Yeah right! Sure we did! My only regret is that Maggie killed that guy in the guard tower before I did._

"Well, he's lying," said dad.

"I left Atlanta with you people and now I'm the odd man out?" asked Andrea. _Damn right you are. _

"There's nothing to work out," replied dad. We're going to kill him." _Good, I hope I'm the one that gets to do it. That guy threatened my Beth and if anyone kills him, it'll be me! _

"Rick if you don't try to work this thing out I don't know what's going to happen," said Andrea. "You've lost so much already."

"We have nothing to talk about," dad said angrily. _No there isn't really. We're going to bury this guy and I'm the one that's going to do it. I've killed hundreds of walkers, how different can it be to kill a person, especially somebody who's shown himself to be an enemy. _

I went back on guard duty and waited until it was time for Andrea to leave. When she came out, I stood next to Beth and watched her go. _You were my friend once. Maybe you can be again, but not if you're going back to him. _

My dad gave Andrea a car and an extra Beretta we had, "can you spare it?"

"Yeah," my dad nodded.

"Well take care," Andrea said.

"Be careful," was my dad's only response.

"You too," she replied before she drove out of the gate.

As I watched her go, a single thought swam through me. _I don't think I'll ever see her again. Not alive anyway. _

Later that night when I was on guard duty again, I could hear Beth singing, even if I couldn't make out the words. It sounded so beautiful. Maybe I could ask her to sing it for me again when we were alone.


	16. Going Home

Author's Notes: I decided not to use the dialogue in the episode as I did in the other chapters. However, I did steal a line from the comic books. This chapter takes place around the episode Clear. Since Beth wasn't really in that episode, I just wrote around it. Basically, I just wanted a Carl and Beth chapter.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Sixteen

Going Home

In this time, everything was blood. Everything was death and dying. Everything was pain. I knew that I was a warrior now, but my biggest tests were still to come.

I was outside on guard duty holding my Remington. _Tired. Don't fall asleep. People could die if I do_. _If that g****** f*** comes back I'll be ready for him. _Dad came out and talked to me, he had decided that it was time for me to go to battle. He told me that we needed more guns because of our coming war with the Governor. "I need you to help me," he said. "I think you're ready now."

"I'll do anything to help you. I'll do anything to help the group." _Anything for Beth, I love her. Not to mention Judith and everybody else. _ "What do you need me to do?"

"Right now, I need you to go to bed. Tomorrow we're going home. Daryl and Merle will stand guard out here. Go get a good night's sleep," he hesitated and said. "Hershel is upset at you. What did you do to his daughter?"

So I told dad all of it. How I kissed her, how I saved her life, how I told her I loved her, and how she had told me she loved me as well. I told him everything except for the deer. I didn't think dad would understand that part of it. _You're still going nuts and I don't know if I can fully trust you anymore. _

"Really?" he said. "I still remember you having a crush on that girl from down the street when you were eight. What was her name, Katie?"

_That was so long ago I can barely remember her. Everything that happened before has faded. There is only the now for me._ "This is different. I kissed Sophia once, but I honestly love Beth. I'm not a kid anymore dad."

Dad looked at me for a second before nodding, "All right. Let's be careful tomorrow, okay?"

The next day after I got up, I took the silencer off of my Beretta. It reduced the range and the stopping power of the bullets. _Making noise out there isn't as bad as in the tombs._ "Here Carl, I got up early and made you breakfast," Beth said. "It isn't much, just cereal with powdered milk."

"Breakfast of champions," I said with a grin. I had heard Glenn say that a few days ago and I'd been waiting to use that line on Beth.

"Just be safe today Carl," Beth said as she smiled at me, concern on her face. "I want to see you again."

"I'll be okay," I replied with confidence. "Dad will be with me and whatever that woman might be, she's good at killing walkers."

"I'll pray for you while you're gone." I just nodded unable as always to understand Beth and the religion thing. Then I got in the car with dad and Michonne. _I'm going home. It'll be nice to see home again. _

When we came back I helped dad and Michonne unload the guns from the car. Then we carried the crib inside. When Carol and Beth saw the crib they were both really happy. Beth said, "Thank you Carl! This will really help take care of Judith and it's much better than having her sleep in that box. I saw that you got the guns. Was it hard to do?"

I could see Hershel glaring at me. _Don't look at me like that old man. I respect you and you saved my life. You might be my friend, but don't get between Beth and me._ "Let's go down to a cell. I'm tired, we can sit down and I'll tell you all about it." She took my hand and we walked to the last cell on the second tier, away from everyone else, and sat down on a bunk. "I can tell you three stories: I shot a man, I saw another survivor, and I got this picture. Oh, and Michonne is okay. Which one do you want to hear first?"

Beth thought about it for a moment and said, "Tell me the story of the survivor."

"He was standing on the side of the road. We just passed him by. Dad and Michonne didn't even look at him, but I did. He was just a man. I guess dad decided that we couldn't take a chance on him." Here I paused feeling somewhat guilty about it. "He yelled and screamed that he was okay and begged for us to help him. A little later we got stuck in the mud, it was Michonne's fault. She had to drive on the side of the road to get around a bunch of cars that had crashed. She paused for a second to look at a walker that got trapped under the wreck."

"Walkers swarmed our car and we had to kill them. It wasn't too bad. I shoot a few myself." _Its easy to kill the dead, just don't run out of bullets._ "I was mad at Michonne for putting us in that spot, but dad told me that it was an honest mistake. We got the car out of the mud and the man came from behind and begged for us to help him again but we just drove off."

Beth looked at me sadly, "That's rough Carl. Why didn't your dad help him? We took you in when you were shot."

"I know it was a cold thing to do, but that is how the world is now. When we drove back, the walkers had got him." I omitted the part about his bloody body being strewn all over the road and continued, "Michonne stopped the car and I picked us his knapsack. There weren't any guns or bullets. A little bit of food and a knife I could use. Some pots and pans and some photographs. The guy had a family before this; he probably wasn't a bad person. It made me feel bad that we didn't save him but I knew we couldn't. We have our own people to think about."

A frown crossed Beth's forehead, a sign that I knew meant she was frustrated. "I think that was a mean thing to do on your dad's part, but I understand why he did it. Tell me about the guy you shot. How did it happen?"

"I did it in defense. The man I shot was my dad's friend. His name was Morgan. Dad said that he saved his life once, right at the beginning, before he found us." I put my arm around her and played with her hair as I spoke.

"I shot him with the intention of killing him. He had fired at us first. Michonne was amazing; she was on the roof, katana out and ready in nothing flat. I knew she was slick before, but you almost have to see her in action to believe it. Dad was yelling at me to get to the car but I waited until I had my shot and took it." As I spoke I looked into Beth's eyes and my heart stirred. _I really do love you. Maybe it was a crush at first but its become so much more now. For you I would shot a hundred Morgans._

"The only reason I didn't kill him was because he was wearing a vest. He was crazy, worse than dad." Here I paused trying not to dwell on what dad had become. "You should have seen his fort. There were traps all over the place. Some of them wouldn't be a bad idea for us to have. Most of them were for walkers, but some of them were for people. He had booby traps underneath the welcome mat and an axe at the top of the stairs. Inside his house there were more guns than you could imagine. Dad offered to bring him back but he refused." _A good thing maybe, he wasn't fully there anymore. People like that can do strange things, like Andrew or the Governor. _"I apologized for shooting him. He told me never to be sorry. I took that to heart."

Beth frowned and said, "I'm sorry that had to happen to you Carl. You were brave as always. I think that's one of the things that I love about you." Then she kissed me once very lightly on the lips. "No matter what happens, you're able to deal with it. Did you feel bad having to shoot him?"

_If I hadn't done it, he could have killed us._ Rather than saying that I replied, "I'm not sure how I feel about it, it just happened. It was him or dad." Here I paused and began again, "The last story is of this picture." I showed it to her and said, "I got it for Judith. I wanted her to know what mom looked like."

"That was kind of you Carl." I blushed as she continued, "I wish I still had a picture of my mom. We were forced to flee without getting one. I'll always remember her though."

"Yeah I remember when we had to leave the farm. That was bad. Do you want to hear how I got it?"

Beth nodded, "This guy Morgan had a map of the town. Our house had burned down. I told dad I wanted to get the crib for Judith. . . ."

"Wait a second Carl, you lied to your dad?" Beth looked concerned, "when you were away? You left Rick alone with a crazy person?"

I tried not to dwell on the fact that Hershel was stitching up dad's shoulder as we spoke. _That might have been me fault, if I'd been there it wouldn't have happened._ "I didn't lie to him, I just made a side trip. Besides, dad can take care of himself." _Maybe that's not true anymore, I don't know. _"Michonne came along with me and helped." I omitted the part about trying to ditch Michonne and continued, "The picture was in a bar over the counter. Michonne and I took some of Morgan's walker traps. He had cages full of rats; we tied them onto skateboards and rolled them into the bar."

"Once the walkers were distracted we snuck in and I got the picture. The second I took it down a walker grabbed my ankle and Michonne stabbed it through the head." I shuddered as I spoke. _That was close, closer than I'd like to admit. I could have been bitten if not for Michonne. I owe her one._ "We were going out, but one of the rats got out of its cage and came toward us. A walker followed it and saw us."

"Michonne killed that one but the other walkers realized we were there. We had to run in the back but there were more walkers there too. I killed one with my Beretta. The silencer wasn't on it and the other walkers tried to mob us." _Maybe taking the silencer off was a mistake, I don't know._ "I flipped over a table to get away from them but I dropped the picture."

"Michonne and I made it out. I wanted to go back in to get it but Michonne said no. She just had me hold the door shut while she went back inside to get it for me." _She really is amazing how fast and quick she can move, like a ninja I saw in a movie once. That's what Michonne is, a ninja with a sword! I'll have to tell that to dad sometime._ "I was mad at her at first for getting us stuck in the mud, but she helped me get the photo of mom so I decided she was okay. I told dad that I think that she is one of us. I guess that's it."

"I have something for you Carl," Beth smiled.

"Oh yeah? Is it a kiss?" I grinned.

"No, it's this," she said as she handed it to me. "I found it in the cell for you. I want you to take it and read it."

I looked at her uncertainly, "a Bible?"

"Yes, I found it in one of the cells and I want you to read it. There's a lot of wisdom in it. If you're going to be my boyfriend you need to, okay? I talked to dad and he isn't as mad as he was before. I thought that you reading this would help bring him around some more." _If you need me to do that, I'll do it. I love you and I'll do whatever I need to be with you. _

Then Hershel yelled at us to come and get something to eat. _He probably doesn't want us to spend too much time alone together._ "I'll see you later tonight, if you want to. We can meet back here after everyone else goes to bed." Beth nodded and we went to supper.


	17. Getting Ready For War

Author's Notes: This chapter takes place in the episode Arrow on The Doorpost. Some of the dialogue comes from there, but not much.

The Girl I Love

By

D.B. Cooper

Chapter Seventeen

Getting Ready For War

We really had gotten a lot of guns from Morgan. I put a clip in a pistol and slide it home with a satisfying click. "Carl come here," said Glenn as he handed me two boxes of bullets. "Stash this out on the loading dock. If anyone gets pinned down we need to make sure they have plenty of ammo. Beth put more on the catwalk."

Merle wanted to go on the offensive. Bring the war to the Governor. Load a truck with some of the firepower and ambush them at the meeting. _That's not the worst idea I've heard. _Michonne retorted saying, "we told Rich and Daryl we'd stay put."

"The three of them are right in the middle of it. A thousand things can go wrong," decided Glenn. He was the de facto leader with dad and Daryl being gone. _You're impulsive and while I love you as a brother, I'm not sure how much I'd follow you. _

"And they will," said Merle.

"My dad can take care of himself." _That was true once, but maybe not anymore. He's going to pieces one little bit at a time. _

"Sorry son, you're dad's head could be on a pike real soon." I walked out of the common room without glancing back. _He could be right; Dad could be dead right now! They all could, because of you! You're the one who started it my kidnapping Glenn and Maggie! This whole situation is entirely your fault! I don't care if you're Daryl's brother; you should have died on that roof in Atlanta! I wish you had! _

I stashed the bullets and went out on watch with Carol. We stood there for a time together, each lost in our own thoughts. Finally I said, "I'm sorry."

Carol looked at me confused, "sorry for what Carl?"

I took a deep breath and began, "for what I said to you on the farm. After Sophia died. You know, that there was no heaven and anyone who believes it is an idiot. It was a mean thing to say and I'm sorry for it."

"Carl you were just a boy then. You've had to grow up fast. I think that you're a man now. I know you saved Tyreese and his friends lives. You probably just saved mine after the Governor killed Axel. You were right there to start firing back at him. I saw that one of the bullets almost hit you." As she talked I flinched at the memory. _That had been too close. He could have killed Beth too._ "You didn't even let it slow you down, you were very brave. There's nothing you should be sorry for. Even thought Sophia is gone, I still remember her and I'll always love her in my heart." Then she paused and looked at me quizzically, "what brought this on?"

"Beth believes and she's not an idiot." _Well not all the time anyway. _

"Carl it was a long time ago. I haven't thought about it in months." Then she looked at me oddly, "wait you're apologizing because of Beth?"

"I'm in love with her," I replied.

Carol looked at me trying not to laugh. "Carl, Beth is seventeen. To her you're just a kid. I mean I've seen how she looks at you sometimes, but that doesn't mean love." I just stood there and stared at her impassively. "Wait a minute, what has been going on between you two?"

"I'm not sure if I should tell you. Hershel is kind of upset about it. Or he was anyway. He caught us you know. . . ."

Looking at me questioningly she said, "no Carl I don't know. What did he catch you two doing?"

"Kissing," I said.

"You kissed Beth? Really?" Carol said trying not to laugh, "I mean you were making out? Hershel caught you doing that? When was this?"

"Yeah, he did. It was right before we left to get the guns from Morgan. I told her I loved her and she said she loved me too." As I talked I looked down at my feet and scuffed the dirt with my toe. _I really do need new shoes. These are getting a little too small for me. Maybe I'll ask Daryl to get me some. "_I shot Morgan you know."

"Really? You shot a guy? Why?"

"He fired at us first, he was still firing at dad. I hid in a doorway, waited until I had him, and pulled the trigger." I paused remembering how I thought that I had killed him when he fell. "Morgan was crazy, worse than dad is now. You should have seen his place. There was nutty stuff written all over the walls and he had traps all over the place. His son got bit and turned. Oh and he had a s***load of guns too as I'm sure you saw, but don't change the subject. I'm in love with Beth."

"Oh Carl, that's so. . . ." Carol paused trying not to look condescending. "Sweet. I saw that you had a crush on her, but I didn't know that you two were an item."

"Yeah I guess we are now. How about you and Daryl, I've seen how you two look at each other sometimes?" I smiled, "are you two going to get together?"

"I think so yes. He's a good man. Better than Ed was."

"I didn't like Ed." I said thinking about his hate filled face, "he was mean to you and Sophia. I didn't like him from the first time I meet the three of you on the highway going into Atlanta. You remember that don't you?"

"Yeah and then they bombed the city. I knew that was when the world had ended . . . they're back and they're safe!" Yelled Carol excitedly. I helped her open the gate and followed them in to see how it went. _I bet you like anything we're going to war! He's not going to back off and after what he just did neither are we. _

_ "_So I met this Governor," dad began. Everyone else just stood there and looked at him. "Sat with him a quite a while. He wants the prison. He wants us gone. Dead, he wants us dead. For what we did to Woodbury. We're going to war."

Instinctively,I took my Browning out before putting it back in. _I knew it! We we're going to war! People were going to die, but whatever else happened. No matter how many of them there were, we're going to win it!_ "Carl, can I talk to you?" I turned, I hadn't even seen Beth standing there. She looked tired, but somewhat exhilarated.

"Sure," I said. "What's up? Is anything wrong?" I asked as I followed her to her cell and sat down next to her.

Beth started excitedly, "I have something to tell you. Merle wanted to go kill the Governor today. Glenn told him no. They got into a fight over it. Michonne joined in on Glenn's side. I took out my pistol, fired it into the ceiling and broke it up before it really got started!" Beth looked at me her cheeks flush from the telling. "I didn't know what to do when it started, but I thought of you and how you were always so brave and all, so I did what you would do! Isn't that great?"

"Yeah it is, I'm really proud of you and all," I said smiling. "That was a good way to end the fight. Now just one question, did you reload after you fired?"

Beth looked at me abashed, "No, no I didn't."

"You do need to do that you know. Always keep a full load no matter what. I'm not upset at you, I just need you to do that, okay?" Beth grinned at me and started to come closer to me.

A loud 'harrumph' sounded behind us. I turned to see Hershel standing there. "Beth, why don't you go and see Judith for a little while. Carl and I need to talk." Beth nodded and went out of the cell as quickly as she could. Hershel sat down and began, "I know that you're in love with my daughter. I know that you've spent a lot of time with her alone. I said this to Jimmy as well when they were dating and now I'm going to say it to you. She's old enough to make up her own mind about who she wants to be with, but know this," as he spoke he leaned in closer and put his face directly into mine. "If you hurt her, I'll kill you. Got it?"

I looked at Hershel like he was nuts. "I'm not going to hurt her! I'm in love with her!"

Hershel sighed and said, "maybe you are, but don't break her heart. Oh and the little nighttime visits the two of you have been having are going to stop. No more sneaking around, we're in a very bad situation here and this Governor guy has just made it much worse. She's my daughter and she is only seventeen. If you want my permission to sleep in the same bed with her, you have to ask first. Both of you, understood?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. "You know she gave me a Bible and wants me to read it don't you?"

"Yes I know that. You should read it, there's a lot of wisdom in there," he said. "Why don't you go get your self something to eat?"

So I did. I realized that Hershel was serious about what he said and I knew he had valid reasons for saying it. I loved her and would do anything to protect her. If that meant asking Hershel for his permission to spend time with her I could deal with it.


End file.
